I hate bra shopping more than anything else. I thought I had solved the problem when Victoria Secret came out with their new Body by Victoria bras- they are perfect! Then of course I have to find a nursing bra that fits and that is an impossibility.

Maggie arrived at 35 weeks and I hadn’t gotten around to the nursing bra prep part of the antepartum nesting phase. So I had to send Chris while I was in the hospital. I gave him very basic instruction, size, color, style- and hoped for the best. Wishful thinking? Yes. This bra made me look like Madonna when she was in her pointy triangle boob stage. It had padding! Who needs padding when they are nursing? I sure as heck don’t! So - it had to go back.

I get to Motherhood Maternity and they only accept exchanges- except - they don’t have a bra that fits me! They don’t even have my exact size!!! 34DD is tough to find but c’mon! I get HUGE when I am nursing and I cannot believe that everyone else stays the same! So I try on bras for a half an hour before deciding that it is a lost cause. Whoever designs these nursing bras must have a really perverse sense of humor.

I discover that they think nursing mamas want to wear bras that barely offer any coverage- so basically, I am falling out of the top of the bra! Then, they have the ones that practically have spaghetti straps! Hello!!!!! Mt. EverBreast here- I’m gonna need a big, old, wide, granny strap to hold these boulders up any higher than my knees, thank you very much! Then they have lovely “sports bra” type that basically turns me into one huge uni-boob. Verrry nice. Oh and of course- quite a few of these don’t even offer underwire- they have this thing called “nursing underwire”. This is a thick band of fabric that is supposed to miraculously hold my hooters in check. My gosh is it ever comfortable! AND - I don’t even feel like I am wearing a bra! Yeah, I don’t LOOK like it either! I can sag over the nursing underwire with no effort at all. I’m supposed to leave the house in this?

So they suggest that I exchange the Madonna-bra for a nursing shirt. Now, the entire premise of the nursing shirt is to be able to be discreet while nursing. This is ludicrous at best. You stick your breast through a hole in the shirt. That is supposed to be discreet? And it is supposed to be beneficial that there is a part of the shirt still covering your tummy - hello????? THe BABY is covering that part of me! So, clearly, the nursing shirts were not an option. Laughable, but not for me.

After much deliberation I came home with Baby Mozart on cd, a book for Chris about fathers and daughters and some cocoa butter balm for my kids’ tushies. All of this wonderful junk was the same value as a Madonna bra.

As for getting me a nursing bra - I GIVE UP. I will wear my Body by Victoria and just pull the cup to the side just like I’ve been doing for the past 4 weeks. It’s a little weird- but at least the bra fits!