Ahhh. Naptime. I live for naptime. It is actually better than bedtime because come bedtime I am too drained to appreciate it. Somebody up there must really like me because I have both of the kids down at the same time. While that is the goal every day, I must say it doesn’t happen very often.

At the hospital they tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps. It’s a nice thought. I always have trouble getting there. Most days I don’t even manage to lay down, let alone sleep. You see, I have to cram a whole days worth of activities into the hour and a half that naptime is. If I have any hopes of a balanced meal - it will happen during naptime. Likewise, any hygiene activities that are above and beyond the boot camp style shower I spend one minute in every morning will have to happen now. If I want to do anything that is more enjoyable than taking care of basic bodily functions I could possibly do that during naptime as well. I just have to remember that it needs to be an activity that can be instantly shut off and cleaned up in about 3 seconds, or I am going to have a situation on my hands when the kids wake up.

Take scrapbooking, for example. I could realistically haul out my scrapbook supplies and work on a lay out during this hour and a half. But the second my 2 year old wakes up he is going to be tearing up the paper, putting sticky fingerprints on the photos and running around with my fine point, extra sharp scissors, or coloring on the walls with an archival quality marker. If I didn’t manage to get the page I was working on completed I am going to have to put it away amid all of this hullabaloo, totally interrupt the creative process, and pull it out the next day- only to find that my sleep deprivation has made it impossible to remember what my original plan was, so I will be starting over from scratch anyway. Not a very tempting idea.

It is much safer to stick with the less productive, but ultimately smarter, activity like checking my e-mail or watching a slightly more risqué than G-rated DVD. I can’t pull out the actual adult movies because if I do that, my son is bound to wake up, sneak half way down the stairs and watch as millions of people are blown up, or worse, somebody drops the F-bomb. Then, even though he is a late talker and only uses his words under extreme pressure, the F-word will become his favorite phrase and he will use it in front of his grandparents and at church. He will shame me in supermarket lines and point out to the entire world that I am unfit to be a mother. So, no. Nothing more offensive than PG can be shown while they are napping. It will bite me in the butt.

During those times when I do attempt the aforementioned ‘sleep while the baby sleeps’, trying to fall asleep is nearly impossible. I have a 100 mile an hour diatribe in my head.

Me: the dishes are filthy and the ants are going to be everywhere if I don’t clean the kitchen right now.
Me: go to sleep, don’t think about it.
Me: was I supposed to call so and so about the whatzit next Sunday? Oh no, I totally forgot. . .
Me: just sleep, the kids are going to be up any minute now.
Me: I’ll lie and say the answering machine must have missed the message or Jonas deleted it. . .
Me: tired. Want to sleep.
Me: yeah, lie, Lou, then you can burn in HELL
Me: would you shut up! Just Shut Up! SHUT UP! SHUTUP!!!!

At which point I usually find myself getting out of bed and retreating to a safer activity like my internet message board. (I know you are wondering does she call so and so back or wash the dishes? No. That was all a ruse to get me out of bed.)

Anyway, I live for naptime. Even though, to be completely honest, I just sit here like a blithering idiot.