It was a simple trip to the BX. I was going to pick up some Easter candy and an egg dying kit, then we were scheduling an eye exam, and then a quick stop to the post office. I made it safely to the parking lot. I put Maggie in the Baby Bjorn, had Jonas holding my right hand, and had the diaper bag balancing over my left shoulder. We walked up to the store, and when I got there, I very gracefully tripped over the curb.

My left arm protectively reached around my baby, the diaper bag on that arm swung around and smacked me in the back of the head and the right arm tried to keep the two year old from having too painful a faceplant into the concrete. That left me no arms with which to protect myself, so my left knee took the full force of my weight (and Maggie’s). My jeans (the only pair that fits me) exploded at the knee. Pain shot through my leg. I was about six inches from squishing Maggie and her little head was about an inch from the pavement. Jonas had hit the ground- but was more surprised than hurt. About fifty people were walking around us or driving right by us, and instead of stopping to help me collect myself, they all stared at me as if they were trying to figure out why I was on the ground wincing from pain, baby strapped to my chest and two year old whining near my feet.

I managed to get myself back on my feet. There was a huge bruise and not a whole lot of skin left on my knee cap. It was raw and it hurt just standing still. It hurt even more when I tried to bear weight on it. I figured it would just take a few minutes to shake off, so I limped around the store wincing. When I was done with my errands I went home, still in pain.

I had a similar accident about a year ago where I slipped on a broom (I know, I’m so talented), waited to go in to the ER and wound up in a leg brace for two weeks. So I figured I would just bite the bullet now and head to the doctor. I dropped Jonas off at a friends house and proceeded to wait for two hours in the ER.

The doctor examined my knee. I would like to know why anytime I get hurt it never happens on a day when I’ve shaved my legs recently (recently being defined as within the current month). The doctor must have thought he was examining a female Sasquatch. At any rate, Sasquatch’s knee bent in all the right directions and the X-rays showed no major damage. So that was good. The problem was it was still so bruised and raw that walking on it was excruciating. The doctor wrapped it in an ace bandage, then told me to “stay off of it.”

I said to him, “I have a two year old and a baby who wants to be walked around all day. My husband is working twelve hour shifts all weekend. How am I supposed to stay off of it?”

His response? “The baby will just have to give a little. I’ll give you crutches.”

Ok, clearly this man has never had children. Babies don’t “give a little”. You give, they take, and if you stop giving they scream bloody murder. I can’t work crutches when I have a toddler latched onto my leg and a baby in my arms. I could perhaps, use the crutches as a sort of primeval lever to pry Jonas away from me (or just give in and beat him with them), but I don’t see how they are supposed to help the situation. With my luck I’ll trip over them and damage myself more.

At any rate, I ended up at home with crutches. Jonas immediately found them and decided they’d be great for swinging around in circles and smashing everything in his path. They are now locked in the bathroom. I’ve spent the day sort of hop-limping after him and trying to keep Maggie happy. I gave up this morning and called my in-laws. They will be taking Jonas for the weekend (yea!!!!). Hopefully I will be healed by the time Monday rolls around. We shall see.