Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Sushi
Filed in: parenting
I have been in the best mood the past two days. I can’t seem to place it. I don’t understand why. I’m not complaining, but really, I’ve been in quite the funk lately, and suddenly I’m filled with Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men. I was thinking about it on the way home from running errands this evening. I tried to find something on which to blame this excessive good mood. My first thought was that I had sushi for lunch. Sushi can brighten my day pretty quickly. Hand me California rolls and I promise you, I will smile. But then I realized that I was actually pretty happy prior to lunch.
I can be a real bear sometimes. I’ve been fairly grouchy and despondent ever since the first waves of pregnancy nausea hit me a year ago. I had a beautiful moment of total joy when Maggie was born, and then the adjustment of having a challenging, attention starved two year old and a preemie during flu season hit. I haven’t been the best mother, and I’ve been pretty down on myself about it, which makes things even worse. I’ve always been a perfectionist, and when I know I can’t do a impressive job on something I tend to give up. You can’t just give up mothering. You have to persevere and figure things out. You just have to. I got so irritable and frustrated that I finally went to the doctor just to see if I might have post partum depression. The doctor said (in doctor lingo) that me being a jerk didn’t qualify me for happy pills. Therapy, perhaps, but no drugs.
So fast forward to the past two days. I have exactly seventy-four cents in my checking account. My house trashed. Jonas is still biting and making huge messes. And I’m happy. Go figure. Last night we played together. Then we read books for two hours. Today we were silly. Jonas threw several huge fits, and it didn’t shake me. In the past two weeks I have figured out that when Jonas is freaking out over something, the most helpful thing I can do for him is to pick him up in a big bear hug and speak softly in his ear. The kid just needs to be held and loved. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so happy, all the extra hugging.
We went to the McDonald’s Playplace today and as I watched Jonas running through the tubes and chatted with my smiling baby the feeling hit me very hard: I am exactly where I want to be.
In Which I Admit That I’m Balding
Filed in: pregnancy
There it is. I am going bald. My hair is falling out faster than I can grow it back in. Every time I wash my hair my fingers become entwined in about fifty fallen strands. By the time I am done showering my hands look like someone’s old hairbrush, covered in ratty, matted fur. You know how most people have to grab the nasty wad of hairs out of the drain every week or so? I can prevent my shower from draining in just one day. Seriously, I am losing that much hair. I can actually see my hairline receding.
This isn’t the first time I have gone through this. This sudden loss of hair is actually a byproduct of pregnancy. May I reiterate once again how much I loathe being pregnant? I get every weird side effect; no part of my body is spared. The scientific way to describe this is that during pregnancy the hormones created send a message to the hair follicles to not release the hairs that ought to be let go. These hairs are all accumulated until about four months after giving birth, at which point, the hormones even themselves out and the hairs begin a mass exodus from my head. It’s not pretty. There’s hair everywhere.
After I had Jonas I developed literal bald spots. They were small, but they were there. I have the photos to prove it, and no, I will not be sharing them. This time around I was taking the optimistic approach to things, hoping that just maybe, since I was having a girl, things would be different. I don’t know why I thought this. Every other aspect of my pregnancy had been the same, (except for the fact that I was carrying Maggie so high there were days that I thought they would have to pull her out of my throat) so why should this be any different?
Now, if you are a guy and you are balding, that’s just kind of a part of life. Lots of guys do this. It’s not so weird. But when you are a woman? A vain woman? Yeah, not good for the post pregnancy morale. First no abs, now no hair. But a much larger, mushier tush and thighs. Not a very good advertisement for having a baby. I have gone forth and multiplied, spread my seed as it were, to sustain life on our puny little planet, and this is the thanks I get? Chubby and balding? It’s just not right.
The really funny part is that this really isn’t the worst of it. The worst part will happen in about four months when all the little hairs grow back. At that point I will have three inch long spikes of baby hairs poking out all over my head, but predominately at my hairline. This means that every time I wear my hair up (which is frequent because I am too lazy to fix it most days) I could poke someone’s eye out. To paint a simple picture, replace my head with Sputnik. “Spherical, but quite pointy in parts.”
Last time I hit that point I slathered on gobs of every wax, pomade, gel, mousse, and hair spray known to man and tried unsuccessfully to mold the little feelers back into place. The flagella refused to be reigned in. After about two months of looking ridiculous, my new hair was about four inches long and still defiantly refusing to bend to the will of gravity. I finally broke down and chopped it all off. I liked it for about three days.
At that point the novelty wore off, and I realized that it was appallingly high maintenance. I spent the next year trying to grow it back out so it didn’t drive me crazy. I am not a short hair person. I know that now.
I am considering taking a punk approach this time and coaxing all of my hair into large spikes. I could even dye the spikes different colors just for kicks. I will, of course, maintain my usual boring, suburban housewife garb. I am sure I will be quite the sight. So next time you are strolling along in the mall and your friend exclaims, “Look at that woman in the stylish twin set and khakis with the two foot purple spikes growing out of her scalp!” That’ll be me.
The Second 100 Things
Filed in: Stuff 'n Nonsense
I decided to think 100 more things. This actually took a lot longer than the first 100 did. You can see the first 100 at the link under my profile photo.
101. If I could, I would never wear the same pair of socks twice. I love the feeling of new socks!
102. I make really good chili.
103. I hate fake watermelon flavor.
104. I hate Jolly Ranchers.
105. I can swaddle a baby in my arms, standing up, without putting the baby or the blanket down.
106. I get migraines.
107. I have panic attacks occasionally.
108. I love old musicals.
109. And Katherine Hepburn movies!
110. I am allergic to cockroaches. (Really truly, I just got tested!)
111. Kiwi too.
112. I have read the Reader’s Digest since I was 8 years old.
113. My parents used to ground me from reading when I was a kid because it was the worst punishment they could throw at me.
114. I won the Fargo Public Library’s Children’s Reading Contest 2 years in a row (3rd and 4th grade). One summer I read 413 books. They discontinued the contest after that year because some other parents thought I lied. I didn’t.
115. I enjoy singing at funerals.
116. I have greenish brown eyes. They are just like my Gramma’s.
117. My children’s middle names are after realtives: Jonas Jeffery for my Father in Law and Margaret Donna for my Gramma.
118. I’m really not sure if I’m finished having kids.
119. I don’t like Mangos.
120. I love fresh pineapple.
121. I have never been dumped.
122. But I have had a broken heart.
123. I like my in-laws.
124. I find ovetures irritating. Get on with the show already!
125. It bugs me when people use plural pronouns in association with singular subjects. And people do this a lot. Just stop. OK?
126. It doesn’t bug me at all when people end a sentace with “with.” As in, do you want to come with? It’s not bad grammer- it’s a North Dakota Colliquillism. There is a difference 
127. I love parmesan cheese!
128. I used to be a Pampered Chef consultant. I did it to get all of the goodies- once I got them all, I quit. Now I do a show once a year to keep up with the new toys.
128.5. I went into preterm labor twice, both times were on the same day that I had a Pampered Chef show planned for myself.
128.8. I’m not suspicious, but if I ever have another baby I won’t have a single Pampered Chef show while I’m pregnant, unless it is time to give birth.
129. Noisy neighbors drive me crazy.
129.5 We have good neighbors now, but we have had several really weird, rude, pot smoking wackos before. I called the cops on every one of them and even got one evicted. It’s not that I’m mean; they truly were dangerous people, always drunk or high or having boyfriends come over and smash up the place (and the girl). I could do at least five posts just on some of these weird neighbors.
130. I like to eat eggs.
131. I tend to walk around stores grabbing what I want, then thinking better of it and putting items back.
132. I would like a dog someday. But not right now.
133. I tend to switch numbers around without knowing it. That caused major problems in algebra.
134. I flunked algebra twice with effort in high school.
135. I took almost all AP and honors classes in high school, except for the math. My teachers couldn’t figure me out.
136. I passed stats in college.
137. I can conduct music.
138. I don’t like shopping for clothes for myself.
139. But I love shopping for Chris and the kids.
140. I can crochet a chain. That’s it.
141. I can knee board.
142. My favorite childhood place is Twin Lakes, MN.
143. I consider a book good when it makes me want to write.
144. I’ve shoveled snow off of my roof before.
145. I know what 70 degrees below zero feels like.
146. I don’t like to have a television on unless I am watching it.
147. My favorite radio program is the Minnesota Public Radio morning show. It has the best mix of eclectic music and starts every day off with the poem of the day at 6 am read by Garrison Keeler. Since I live in California, I really, really miss it!
148. I don’t deal well with gore or violence. I upsets me.
149. I once did a cannonball off of the high dive. It was an extremely painful lapse in judgement.
150. I used to be on a swim team. I discovered I like to swim, but I hate to compete.
151. I really hate to be forced to be perky and upbeat.
152. I’m not a super encouraging person. I say what I mean. If I have complimented you- I meant it.
153. People who are always uber encouraging kind of sicken me.
154. I used to really enjoy writing poetry. I won first and third prize in a contest once.
155. I rarely say I’m sorry. I think saying I’m sorry is lip service.
156. I want to hear you say, “I was wrong.”
157. I know how to use a semi colon; that makes me special.
158. I type strangely and my E finger hits before my H finger so I tend to type the word “the” teh.
159. However, my spacebar figer hits before my E finger so I do things lik ethis.
160. I always type would like woudl and in my head I pronnouce it like Wu-del like rhyming with Hodel from Fiddler on the Roof.
161. I have to proofread everything.
162. When I was five I wanted to be a palentologist.
163. When I was seven I wanted to be a country western singer.
164. I love pistachios.
165. I have driven a combine.
166. I legally changed my last name when I was eighteen.
167. People tend to either really like me or hate me.
168. I tend to have only one or two pairs of shoes and wear them til death do us part.
169. I prefer clogs over all other shoes.
170. I really hate wearing sneakers.
171. I don’t like didactic country music. Give me the old cheatin’ songs anyday.
172. The clicky noise that some turn signals make drives me crazy. Our car does this and I have informed Chris that I don’t care what our next car is, as long as it doesn’t make that clicking noise.
173. I like camping, but I haven’t gone camping since my honeymoon.
174. I use hot rollers in my hair when I fix it.
175. I often fantasize about having my own commune where everyone I like can come and live so I can see all of my loved ones whenever I want.
176. I met my husband walking down the street at campus.
177. His family had us married before we had even started dating.
178. I like to shower and get myself fully dressed and ready for the day before doing anything else in the morning.
179. I don’t like wearing shirts that are baggy. A regular t-shirt ( the non fitted variety) drives me crazy. I feel like a slob.
180. I hate rejection. I submitted some stuff to Creating Keepsakes recently and the calls went out, and no call. Rejection sucks.
181. I would love to be on another scrapbooking design team.
182. I like Very Baby All In One Cloth Diapers the best..
183. I like geraniums because they are very hard to kill and bloom a lot.
184. My favorite Bath and Body Works scent is Cherry Blossom.
185. I am a perfectionist. If I can’t do something perfectly, I usually won’t even try.
186. Upon becoming a mother, my attention span and memory were reduced to the size of fleas.
187. I am extra senstive to noise. My level of stress will rise with the volume. Some days it is too much to have the tv and the dishwasher on at the same time.
188. I smake the best gingersnaps ever. Once you have my gingersnaps, no other gingersnap will do. I’m not kidding- you’ll never be satisfied again.
189. I have a Berta Hummel figurine that looks just like Jonas did when he was one. We are going to get one for Maggie when she is one, as well.
190. I love food with lots of flavor.
191. I think that The Emperor’s New Groove is the funniest Disney movie ever and it is a total shame that it bombed at the theaters.
192. I craved powdered laundry detergent when I was pregnant with both kids.
193. I discovered that eating a spoonful or two of baking soda quelled the craving.
194. I tried the detergent to see if I could just gross myself out so I would stop craving it, but it didn’t work. I liked it.
195. I love the words idiosyncratic and multiplicative. I don’t get to use them very often, but I love how they roll off of the tongue.
196. The first book I ever cried at was Where the Red Fern Grows. I cried for three chapters straight.
197. I feel my best when I have had 9 hours of sleep.
198. Almost any time I go anywhere I have a layover in the Denver airport.
199. I have only one niece. I was a mother before I was an aunt.
100. I don’t enjoy window shopping. If I’m shopping, I want to get something. I do my window shopping online.
Lunch Haiku
Filed in: Stuff 'n Nonsense
Lovely grapefruit lunch
spherically splendid, so pink;
ferociously squirts.
Movie Trivia * Updated with Answers in the Comments!*
Filed in: Stuff 'n Nonsense
Here are lines from a few movies I enjoy. . .do you know which movies they are from? Leave your answers in the comment section! I’ll put the answers up by Wednesday
1. “Not much meat on her but what’s there is cherce.”
2. “Cheese me no likey!”
3. “Have fun stormin’ the castle!”
4. “You broke the ship, you broke the bloody ship!”
5. “Great Scott!”
6. “Nature, Mr Allnut, is what we are put on this earth to rise above”
7. “You normally don’t see that kind of behavior in a household appliance.”
8. “Head! Paper! Now! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if you can! Haulin’ that gargantuan cranium about! I’m not kidding, that boy’s head’s like Sputnik! Spherical, but quick pointy in parts. Well, that was off sides, wasn’t it? He’ll be crying himself to sleep tonight on his *huge* pillow! “
9. “If you gotta live hand to mouth, you’d better be ambidextrous”
10. “Round up the usual suspects.”
Some of them are classic, some are contemporary. . .it’s a pretty big mix- can anyone get them all?
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