You know what I like about being a grown up? I know there are lots of negative things, like taxes and having to pay for your own stuff, and getting fat and old, but guess what?

You can grab the entire container of ice cream and spoon, dive in, and nobody is going to tell you NO because YOU are the adult. And you can eat it until you are sick if you so choose! Isn’t that awesome!

C’mon, I gotta get my kicks somehow

Breastfeeding has many benefits. Babies are supposed to receive the mother’s antibodies and maintain better health. The rest of the family will get sick and the infant will stay healthy- all due to the miracle of breastfeeding. Everyone told me that if I breastfed I would not only lose the baby weight faster, but I would be so fortunate as to not menstruate the entire time I was exclusively breastfeeding. Pretty good perks, eh?

Well, I am here today to tell you that it is either a hoax or I have defective hormones. Maggie has gotten every bug the family has thrown at her. None of them have totally wiped her out, but she has been boogery just like the rest of us. I am perpetually picking little crusties off of her teeny little nose. She has been congested for over a month. It doesn’t seem to bother her too much, thankfully. She does, however, snort when she cries. This is quite amusing, although not very girly. It is getting her extra attention. We were out shopping yesterday when she started to fuss.

The whole store heard, “Waaaaaaaah! SNORT! SNORT! Waaaaaaaaaah! Snort!”

One mother finally asked incredulously, “Was that her?”

“Um, yeah, she’s a little stuffy.”

“Do you breastfeed?”

“ARGH!”

So, clearly, not helping me out there. Let’s discuss the weight issue. Now, everyone said that I’d get skinny faster if I breastfed. The truth is exactly opposite. I am incapable of losing weight when I breastfeed. It refuses to budge, and for good reason. Once I realized I wasn’t returning to my svelt self I did a little research. Apparently, really healthy women will retain five to ten pounds to help them better feed their infants. It protects the mother from illness and depletion. So, apparently, I am oh so healthy. Darn! My mother had to stop breastfeeding because she couldn’t keep any weight on. Why couldn’t I have been like that? To heck with healthy, I want my size six back thanks!

And now for the final blow. Yesterday, as I was rushing to get out the door I realized I had a very full bladder, I ran to the bathroom, dropped my pants, saw red, and actually jumped from the shock. That’s right, Maggie is only three months and unwelcome Aunt Flo is back in full force. I ask you, is there no justice? I suppose I should be grateful, Jonas was only two months when I got it back. But still, do you know what this means? This means that my body is capable of getting pregnant again. It is ready and rarin’ to go. Oh. No. Hell no. I love babies, but I abhor being pregnant. The fact that my body is now ovulating and is capable of getting pregnant is not a good thing. I really don’t want to get pregnant again. Birth control is not good enough to prevent this. Abstinence is the only answer that gives me any comfort. . .now I just have to convince my husband.

Ok, so why is this woman still breastfeeding, you ask? Clearly, the most exciting perks have been denied her.

I do it because I love breastfeeding. I love the snuggling, I love the attachment Maggie and I have. I love the convenience. Blessings of health, birth control, and skinniness denied, I still love breastfeeding.