Once again it is Mother Guilt day. Whoop-dee-do. In church they always do the obligatory yea for motherhood talks, and this year’s were just the same. They briefly touched on the divine calling that motherhood is, the amazing blessing it is to have children, and then we moved straight into the ever popular, My Mother Was Perfect And I Love Her So Much For Her Altruistic Sacrifices That I Might Be Happy Always philippic. Today’s episode was especially good. Not only did the speaker’s mother get up at four-thirty in the morning to fix her children a wonderful breakfast before she cheerily whisked them off to their early morning classes, and never, ever raise her voice, this mother gave up a trip to Europe because her son wanted her to attend his eighth grade graduation. To this mother I say, “You have hereby been kicked out of the mother club. You are no longer welcome. You are also insane for giving up a vacation to Europe because of an eighth grade “graduation,” and you are making us look bad. What’s the matter with you?” Seriously. That’s not right.

I did enjoy the speaker who shared the quote about how the hand that rocks the cradle has the power to rock empires. After this was said my mother-in-law leaned over to my four month old daughter and asked, “Did you know you are a global threat?”

Of course every speaker had to touch on a major pet peeve of mine. I realize that it may be the delicate and PC thing to say that all women are mothers because all women have that divine spark of womanhood, and are such wonderful aunts and Sunday school teachers and mentors to other young people. But being a great woman does not make you a mother. Before I had kids, I was a great day care worker. I was a fabulous baby sitter. I loved to snuggle my friend’s babies, and a frequently did little “motherly” things for the people I loved. But until I had a child, I was not a mother. Do not confuse womenhood, which is a marvelous and wonderful thing on its own, with motherhood. The two can co-exist beautifully together, but they are not one and the same. I am sorry that not every woman who wants to be a mother gets to be a mother. It isn’t fair. But do not discredit the work and love and dedication that actually having a child and really, truly being somebody’s mom takes. Unless you have a child you have no possible way to even understand the concept of motherhood. Until you are living it, you will only scratch the surface of the work, the humility, the exhaustion, the sacrifice and the absolutely incredible amount of joy that being a mother brings.

To my mother, thank you. Ya Done Good. I’m happy, and most of that happiness came from following the counsel you gave me. Thank you for not getting up to make me breakfast every morning when I was more than capable of doing it myself. I appreciate the lessons of self sufficiency much more. And please, if you get the chance to go to Europe, I don’t care what milestone I may be hitting- Go! You deserve it!