This really funny thing happened to me when I was expecting Maggie. I was about six months along, sitting in my closet folding some clothing when I sneezed and simultaneously wet my pants. It was only a little bit, but still, I just knelt there in shock thinking, “did I really just do that? Did that just happen?” After changing my pants I figured it was just a random thing, perhaps from the extreme strain on my bladder from kneeling down. That theory lasted about two hours until I did it again. I learned very quickly to cross my legs and hold it with all my might every time I felt a sneeze coming. In my hopeful naivete I assumed that this was just another weird but temporary byproduct of pregnancy.

Maggie is almost six months old, and while I can usually hold it when I sneeze or laugh, (ha-ha-ha-squirt!), I do have to exercise a great deal of caution when my bladder is on the full side. My friends with multiple children tell me this is quite common after you’ve had a few kids. They recommend Kegels, which I do, but it doesn’t seem to be helping very much. I am a little concerned that I would pee every time I sneeze if I had a third child. I imagine that a fourth would cause total incontinence, and I’d be doomed to adult diapers before my kids were potty trained. Not an appealing thought. Usually the goal is to not have more than one in diapers at a time right? I think I’d include myself in that count.

I think there is a reason why you only see beautiful women of a certain age advertising adult diapers. It’s because you are not supposed to have that problem unless you are old. It’s like osteoporosis or arthritis; it happens to young people- but it’s not supposed to, and when it does, they hush it all up. It’s an old lady illness, a sign of age. I’m a month older than Britney Spears. I should have rock hard abs and designer boobs, not adult diapers.