Chris walked in the door yesterday evening holding a rumpled paper sack. “What’s in the bag?” I asked. The fool just grinned at me.

“How would you like a big screen TV?”

“I suppose, but what’s in the sack?”

“Some stuff for me. Wires, cables. . . don’t you want a big TV?”

“Sure, but there is obviously not a big TV in that thing and we’re broke, so what are you talking about?”

Chris explained that a guy from work came up to him and asked him to do him a favor. He had this twelve hundred dollar, pretty new, Sony flat screen, 32 inch television and he had to get rid of it because he was moving overseas and he was at maximum weight allowance. He had a bigger, fancier tv already, so this one wasn’t needed. It was going to cost him sixty dollars to have it hauled to the dump, so if Chris would just take the television, it would save him the sixty bucks. The tube is going out on our TV so, obviously, my husband jumped at the chance.

I said, “well go get it! What are you waiting for?” He said that it was already in the car.

When I say car, I do not mean SUV or even large sedan. I mean 1990 Celica. The car so small we had to buy a bigger one because we couldn’t fit an infant’s seat in the back. He had crammed a very large 32 inch television inside. He admitted that he had some difficulties driving home like this since he could only use the first and third gear. He’d have to rev up the engine and shoot right from first to third. Apparently, he was so excited he just couldn’t wait to borrow a friend’s truck or at least get the bigger vehicle. Men.

The neighbor helped him haul it in, and he had it set up in a matter of minutes. We popped in “White Christmas” and admired the beauty and largeness that is our new, high-def television. Truly, it rocks. It’s so big I can see the wrinkles on Bing Crosby’s face. I can see the specks in his five o’clock shadow. If the man had bogies in his nose, I would know about it. This television rocks!

Chris kind of has a knack for getting what he wants for nothing. About a year ago he happened upon a prize drawing at the BX. Hundreds of people had entered, and he walked away with a new X-box and three games which he had been wanting so badly it hurt. I was telling him no way since we were pressed for cash and had a baby on the way. He came home looking like the cat who ate the canary. He also collects comic books and somehow always manages to have a credit at the comic shop because the guys keep screwing up his orders or he happens by right when they need their computers fixed. The guy is just lucky, I guess.