I have reached parenting nirvana. Jonas is, for the most part, finished potty learning. It was a long, frustrating road and many times I thought I was going to be changing his poopy diapers well into grade school. For a child who started out so resistant to the idea, the end actually came about quite easily. Potty learning, for Jonas, all relied on one simple principle: Everyone has a price, and once you learn it, they can be bought. Yes, Internet, I bribed him. And it worked.

About two months ago we were locked in a power struggle over poop. I wanted it in the porcelain bowl, he wanted it in his diaper. He refused to even admit that he was having a bowel movement, even when he was obviously straining and making what we call, “The Poop Face”. Each time I would catch him making The Poop Face, I’d haul his butt to the toilet and make him finish there, explaining that poop goes in the toilet. Each time, he would kick and yell and be quite unpleasant about the whole business.

One day we went to the mall where Jonas saw the Disney Store. He wanted everything and I said no in the interest of financial preservation. Upon arriving home and fighting the potty battle, I realized that I had gained a bargaining chip. I told Jonas very clearly and many times that if he pooped in the potty we would run to the Disney Store and he could pick out a toy. After about two days of this he was standing in the dining room when he suddenly yelled, “Pooooot!” and ran for the toilet, where he did, indeed, deposit poot. I immediately threw the kids in the car and went to the store where Jonas got a toy and some new big boy Incredibles underwear.

It was a breakthrough. I knew he was capable of getting himself to the potty, and that he understood a bribe. Within a few weeks I was finished dealing with poop. He reached the point where it felt gross to him to go in his diaper, and now tells his baby sister, “Don’t poot!” every time I change her diaper.

Peeing proved to be a bigger challenge. That, it seemed, could happen anywhere and he just didn’t care. We kept putting him on the toilet and he would usually go, but there was never any drive to get himself there. We were finding puddles everywhere. Once he even peed on Chris while riding on his shoulders. Finally, I had the good sense to revert back to bribery.

Jonas has gotten into the Rescue Heroes phase after being given a few action figures for his birthday, so one day I told him that if he stayed dry all day we would go to the store and he could get a new Rescue Hero. I made sure that I helped him with this goal by taking him to the bathroom a lot. I wanted him to do it in the first try so he knew he could. That night at eight o’clock, right before bed, we ran over to the BX and bought a new guy. Jonas was elated. The next day he stayed dry again and asked to go to the store for a new Rescue Hero. I made him a deal that if he stayed dry three days he could get another one. He met the challenge, and in those three days went from me forcing him onto the potty to him whipping off his diaper and peeing there on his own. We are having very, very few accidents and Jonas is quite proud of himself.

I’m quite proud of him too. When you think about it, it is rather remarkable that we go from being totally unable to control our bowels to being able to control them in our sleep. Learning the different sensations and gaining the ability to ‘hold it’ is a pretty neat thing.