You ever have one of those days where you are going along all innocently then someone verbally smacks you upside the head with a two by four and it leaves you stunned and slightly disoriented all day? That was today.

I was handling life as best I could. I flooded the kitchen this morning because I put the water on to clean the sink and then absentmindedly walked away (don’t laugh, absentmindedness is supposed to be a sign of intelligence), but I cleaned it up alright. I finally unpacked my bedroom so I now know where all of my clothes are. I even made brownies.

I was invited to attended a make ten cards for ten dollars party that had free babysitting ( how could I refuse?) So I went to that with a friend and was having a very nice time until someone walked in and decided to make some insensitive remarks about my son and his behavior at church. I ignored the initial comment, hoping that maybe if I just turned a deaf ear she would realize how asinine her remarks were, but noooooo, she had to expound upon his less than stellar moments and then call my husband’s disciplinary tactics into question. Nothing she had to say had any bearing on the moment or had any way of possibly benefitting anyone at the table in any manner at all. She seemed to have no clue that what she said was offensive and rude, even though my responses were curt. This same woman once pulled over when she saw me out for a walk with Jonas and had to bring up how horrible he was at church that morning. Why would someone do that? Earlier that day at church I had gotten stressed out to the point of getting hives (because he was having a pretty bad day, and that’s what happens when my stress level hits nuclear levels), and so it was SO UNBELIEVABLY THOUGHTFUL of her to keep rubbing it in. All I can figure, because I just can’t imagine someone deliberately trying to be a heartless poop, is that she thinks it’s amusing or engaging small talk. It’s not. It HURTS. This is my psyche saying, “ow.”

On the way home I mentioned it to my friend and she asked what my response was. In retrospect, my response stunk. Upon the first rude comment I probably should have responded with a sarcastic, “thanks”, or something else that might have clued her in to her rudeness and shut her down, but being me, I had absolutely nothing to respond with until after the fact. I just sat there trying to form cohesive thoughts while my mind said, “what the heck is the matter with you” and then breathed a sigh of relief when the onslaught was over.

I think I was simply trying to get over the shock of the rudeness without being equally rude or making things worse and so I tend to just have to sit there and stuff whatever I’m really feeling until the other person shuts up.

It kills me that people feel the need to make comments like this. Jonas has special needs. I’ve informed the people over his church nursery class. And I’ve seen marked improvements in the past few months. The people who are just meeting him now don’t see the same child as the people who have been working with him for the past year, and they don’t make the same comments. I really think some of these people have things set in their minds about him, and they fail to recognize any growth or development.

This comment came during a pretty tough week. Every time I have been in a large group of people in the past week I have had to fight a panic attack. Only once did I lose control and have to leave the situation and even that didn’t get as bad as it could have. A panic attack is a pretty horrible thing. I get hot and short of breath and my heart races and I get dizzy and feel disorientated. Most days when I feel that panic feeling coming I can tell myself to chill out and take the control back. Most of the time I don’t even deal with them, but something about the past week has set me off, and they have been dog piling. I can’t help but be grateful that this upcoming weekend is a broadcast weekend at church so I can sit in the safety of my scraproom and listen to the wonderful speakers over the internet, far away from people who make hurtful comments and far away from the big crowds that have been making me feel so hemmed in and panicky. Hopefully by next week I’ll feel braver and be able to face church on Sunday. Hopefully I’ll be able to avoid insensitive people.