Ok. I must admit that I think the New Year is in the running for Top Lame Holiday right up there with Columbus Day. I mean, honestly people, it’s tomorrow. I have never understood why people get all dressed up and stay up too late and smooch as the ball drops in NYC (which is several hours before it’s anywhere near midnight in California). It just seems silly. To me, New Year’s Eve is simply another bump in the aftermath of Christmas, one which I tend to completely ignore unless it disrupts my mail or bank statements.

On the subject of New Year’s Resolutions I have mixed emotions. I mean, a resolution to improve is always a good thing. I can’t knock that. But why is everyone waiting until the next year to improve? I was a cranky pain in the butt for most of 2005, maybe I should have done something about it in 2005 instead of saying, “Gee, maybe I’ll look into this obvious hormonal imbalance now and spare my loved ones the wrath of a woman who clearly needs some pharmaceutical help. Nahhhh, we’ll all suffer together until next year, where I’ll swear I will improve and then forget it about mid-February while sobbing and downing a third helping of hot fudge brownie sundae.” The New Years resolutions seem like a good way to put off change. I love it when people say, “My New Year’s resolution is to quit procrastinating.” I always feel like saying, “and you waiting until today to start?”

It also seems hokey to choose some resolutions simply on the basis that the new year needs one, as it is the basis of a fresh start. Many times I want to start fresh in spring, being so inspired by the season of renewal and rebirth. The season of torrential rain or bleak midwinter just doesn’t inspire me to do anything but mope in bed. Spring resolutions, now those make sense to me.

This, paired with the fact that the majority of resolutions are broken within a few weeks of the new year, doesn’t afford the practice much dignity, or for that matter, hope. I sometimes wonder why we try. I frequently make up a list of all of the ways I am going to be perfect from this moment forth, and let me tell you, I’ve never stayed perfect for more than three days. I can only keep the house clean and the children perfectly groomed and my mouth shut for a limited amount of time until I’m right back to having a sink full of dirty dishes, the children have bogies smeared artistically across their cheeks and I’ve let the word “shit” escape my lips in a discussion that isn’t about anything even near horse manure.

What can I say? I’m imperfect. Part of me wants to just give up trying (that’s the hormones talking) and the other part of me wants to shoot for something a little brighter. Knowing me, I will aim high and fall flat on my face (which, sadly, is more painful than just muddling along and tripping in the dirt). But, hey, why not? The whole point of life is to keep changing until we find a version of ourselves we can live with. So, while I’m not thrilled with the idea of resolutions, I am willing to come up with a few areas I intend to improve on.

A) Finances. I want to create a savings and not create debt.
B) I want to find a schedule that works with keeping the house livable and the kids happy.
C) I want to figure out what I have to do to rid myself of this manic hormonal funk that lands on me for two weeks a month. I’m not happy like this. You know you have a problem when someone reads your blog and upon e-mailing you wonders if she will reach the nice Lou or the snarky, mean Lou. You know you have a problem when you realize just how incredibly bitchy and unreasonable the words you are saying sound as they are leaving your lips. You know something’s wrong when you wake up happy and fresh one day and then totally low and irritable the next all for no apparent reason. There’s an issue when your random mood has the power to completely cripple you creatively and make social functions a nightmare. People. There’s something not right here.
D) I want to make peace with religion. It’s been a real thorn in my side the past few months.
E) lastly, I don’t want to fall pregnant. I want to enjoy my family and enjoy not sustaining life. I want a year off from physical and hormonal toil.

So there you go. A few improvements. None of which require huge, immediate change, but things that can be gradually improved upon throughout the course of the year. Happy New Year.