My children had the opportunity to visit my in-laws for a few days this past week. They had a wonderful time and Chris and I enjoyed a much needed break. We spent much of the time working on projects around the house and running errands. It can be challenging to be productive with two little ones, and this opportunity to be able to focus on what I was working on was very nice. I thoroughly enjoyed the silence. I never knew how much I loved quiet until I became a mother!

So often I feel very overwhelmed by all the noise and the constant demands. To be plagued with requests for food and toys and activities from sun up to sun down is so incredibly draining. I crave time for me, enough time to rest and also recharge by doing something I enjoy. When I’m spent it is so hard to respond in a positive manner to my children. I am trying to teach myself to constantly ask the question, “why are they doing what they are doing,” rather than just react. They are not bad kids. Usually they are motivated by good or by curiosity or by a sense of fierce independence. Sometimes they are trying to be helpful, but in their own limitations, create more of a mess than I had before.

Too often I spend my time worrying about the mundane tasks of life and I forget that the moment I am in is sweet and fleeting. I forget to love my children up because I’m too busy trying to “deal with them” while I attend to other less important matters. In my haste to accomplish things of little lasting value, and reacting to my exhaustion with irritability instead of taking care of my needs, I really haven’t been the best mother lately. I had an experience last week that brought these things I needed to improve upon into sharp focus.

Maggie had a nasty stomach bug this month. It lasted for almost a week. Jonas tried very hard to be patient with me giving Maggie so much attention, and I tried to be patient with him getting into things. At one point Maggie vomited all over and I was busy cleaning up after her. I started my fourth load of laundry that day and walked back into the living room where I saw Maggie sitting on the couch with one of my breakable bowls. I knew she couldn’t have gotten it herself, and I was about to get angry with Jonas for getting into the cupboards and letting his sister play with my bowl when it hit me to think about this for a second before reacting. Once I assessed the situation from his perspective, I immediately knew what he had done.

When Jonas is sick I always give him a big bowl to hold in case he needs to throw up and can’t make it to the bathroom. He had seen his sister sick and tried to help her, just as I help him. I almost yelled at him for a thoughtful act of caring. When I asked if that was what he had done, he was so proud to have helped, and I was so proud of him, and ashamed of my initial anger. How often I don’t step back before I react. I wonder how many sweet moments I’ve missed while caught up in my own frustration and impatience.

Shortly after my children returned home, I sat on the couch listening to them playing in the next room while I read a short article in a magazine. It expressed many of the same feelings of frustration and exhaustion that I feel on a daily basis from living with two small children underfoot. One line from the article really struck me. It said, “When your children are in your arms, they are no longer under foot.” How true.