The Family Census Consensus
Chris and I have been contemplating a third child. I am a bundle of conflicting opinions, fears, and what-if’s. You see, we are smart enough to know that we have a good thing going here. Yes, Jonas is amazingly adept at destruction and wild behavior, yes, Maggie is a total drama queen and loves the part of Jonas’ partner in crime- but seriously, these are two great, happy, healthy, cute kids. We are extremely blessed, and we know it.
During the good moments, I look at our little family and my insides go all warm and gooey like a chocolate s’more, and I think, “this is what it’s all about” and the thought of additional children just sounds perfect. I envision Pottery Barn Christmases and all the grandkids I could someday have. Then there are the nights when the two I’ve already birthed tag team me and I’m fortunate to get 15 minutes of sleep- a third kid could totally take that 15 minutes away. On those nights I envision my “happy family” fighting a week long stomach flu. It’s enough to make my insides run cold.
About a year ago, we were running some errands and I asked Chris what he thought a good spacing would be for the next one (clearly, this was a good day). We are both very happy with the Maggie and Jonas space of 2.5 years, so that was what he responded with. When I informed him that that scenario would entail getting pregnant TODAY, all the blood drained out of his face. Suddenly 3 years sounded VERY good- and 3.5- EVEN BETTER!
Honestly, the biggest issue for me isn’t the child (I’m 90% sold on him)- it’s the pregnancy. My pregnancies have been so horrific that the thought of having to put my life on hold and torment my family with 8 months of vomiting, IVs, bedrest, hospital stays, and then the postpartum depression and post nursing anxiety - well. It’s enough to make you take pause.
And while you take that pause all the what-if’s attack, and I find myself contemplating the realities that say that my next child could be exceptionally challenging, or could be sick, or could look like a cross between Donald Trump and Quasimodo. What if it turns out that 3 children is infinitely more difficult than 2? I keep getting mixed reports from the parents I know- they are no help.
I’m comfortable where I am. Oh, I get frustrated and I have bad days, but on a whole- I’ve got this routine down. I am quite capable of managing with Chris deployed. My hormones are leveled out (thank you drugs), and I have a great job and so many opportunities on the horizon. What if everything that could go wrong, goes wrong?
When I was sick as a dog expecting Maggie, I told myself that next time I got baby hungry I’d get a pet. Amazingly, shortly after the baby hunger struck, a cat showed up. Is it a sign? I will confess that having a soft bundle of fur to cuddle does help- but it doesn’t cure. Chris and I are making sure that the next car we get can seat an additional child (I’m opting for an additional 2 seats, because with our luck, if we buy a 5 seater, we’ll get pregnant with twins a week later-we’re that kind of people).
It all boils down to faith, I suppose, and I’ve never been very good at faith. I like controlled situations in which I know the outcome. I like knowing what is expected of me, and what I can expect from others. This is all so impossible to predict. It’s wonderful, scary and exhausting all at the same time.
We went through this… I like control, too. Whatever happens, it will all be what is supposed to happen, be it 2, 3, or 4.
Comment by Daphne — March 26, 2007 @ 6:37 pm
It’s a hard thing to think about…I know for us it seemed like adding a person to the world was so much bigger than any blessings or hardships. Hoping for clarity for both of you.
Comment by Rosy — March 26, 2007 @ 7:42 pm
Just follow your heart! Only you and your husband know what is best for your family.
Comment by Mom2Six — March 26, 2007 @ 8:33 pm
I had bookmarked your blog a long time ago and never read it again. I was going through my saved blogs and found your last week. When I checked it today and found your post, I had to laugh. My hubby and I are going thru the same thing. One minute it sounds like a good ides. The next minute you remember why things are already filled to the brim…I’ll be watching to see what you decide!
PS - I really love your scrap stuff!
Comment by Jodie — March 27, 2007 @ 1:35 pm
I am sure if it’s meant to be, it will be. You probably won’t like this question…..it’s along the lines of planning…….can you afford to save for 3 college educations? YIKES!
Comment by kim in Camas — March 27, 2007 @ 1:39 pm
I hope you figure out what’s best for your family. I know that your pregancies are horrible, but just pray, fast, and hope for the best. You’ll get your answer.
Comment by Ellie — March 29, 2007 @ 5:54 am
I hope you figure out what’s best for your family. I know that your pregancies are horrible, but just pray, fast, and hope for the best. You’ll get your answer.
Comment by Ellie — March 29, 2007 @ 5:55 am
I’m debating this same question myself. I am trying to look at the long term view: will I regret not having had a fourth when I’m too old to have another? So I think we will be having another but I’m not sure about the whole awful pregnancy and first year bit. And, more importantly, will I stay sane through all the sleep deprivation.
Comment by Ella — March 30, 2007 @ 2:43 am
“I like knowing what is expected of me, and what I can expect from others.”
You’ve just summed me up perfectly.
Comment by Sarah — March 30, 2007 @ 5:50 am
I also have lovely pregnancies filled with vomiting, IVs, hospital stays, and the like. I just had my third 8 months ago. My first two are 2.5 years apart. My third came 3.5 years later. If there is a fourth (which is pretty much a non existent if), that baby will show up a good 5 years later. I can’t handle the pregnancies. Maybe I’ll just adopt one…or, follow your lead and get a cat.
Good luck! hard decision!
Comment by Lara — March 30, 2007 @ 8:08 am
I have three and get asked if I am done having kids. Some times I wish for another. I will probably wish for a long time. Three is all I get.
Comment by Jen — April 12, 2007 @ 8:21 am
I too love the little ones. It’s fantastic when they are small. The teenage years - not so great. Remember, those precious little bundles don’t stay that way.
Comment by Charlene — May 18, 2007 @ 8:14 pm