Chris has gone back to work, back on the 12 hour shifts and after a month of blissful double parenting, I’ve been thrown back into single parent mode, which meant that by the time Chris arrived home at 7:30 last night I had to leave the house.

I had been wanting to pick up some more cheap notebooks to cover so I headed to Target where I also thought I’d do some summer clothes shopping. A look that I have never before embraced, but which I have become rather fond of, is the Jennifer Lopez baby doll dress over jeans look. Yeah, it’s a little weird- but it’s very comfortable, modest, and you can be as bloated as a whale and no one’s going to notice. So you look like a 1970’s love child- nothing wrong with that. I usually walk around with paint smears on my face and adhesive covered hands- a little boho look isn’t going to hurt me.

I was shocked by the awesome goodies I was finding! Wild prints, funky patterns, breezy material and all at low, low el-cheap-o target prices. With my arms loaded I arrived at the dressing room and began to strip. I pulled the first brown and green number over my head. I look AWESOME in brown. This had to be a winner. I looked at myself in the mirror. The seam between the top and skirt part of the dress hit me mid breast. I tried to eek it down, thinking maybe this was meant to be low cut- but it wouldn’t budge. Those pesky shoulders of mine were in the way. Ok- one poorly sewn dress tossed in the corner, upward and onward. I grabbed a cheery red floral dress of similar style. Red looks great on me, I thought. I’ll look hot, man, HOT! I pulled it over my head. The seam was about three inches above my nipples. Since the dress was sewn to taper in at the waist- I know this can’t be right. Another dress into the corner.

This time I reach for a green and yellow peasant top. I look ok in green and yellow. Passable. I yank it over my now very messy hair. The seam is, once again, right accross my chest. However, this has a stretchy neck. I yank it down so the seam is below the cleavage. It totally works. . .except for the fact that about 90% of my chest is now on display. I considered a white tank top underneath- but for a shirt that was merely passable- SO NOT WORTH IT. Into the growing pile in the corner.

Giving up on tops all together, I try a blue and brown polka dot skirt. It hangs like a bag and after hiking it up and considering hemming it about 4 inches, I realize that if my legs were about a foot longer- this skirt would look GREAT. However, I’m not expecting a growth spurt anytime soon, so the skirt was added to the reject pile as well.

It should be stated that I am not a misproportioned person. Oh, I’m a little short waisted, yes, but seriously. To fit these clothes I’d have to be a stork with my boobs growing out of my neck. Nobody looks like that.