I have never been germaphobic. I will share forks with my children. I won’t do the hover thing over a public toilet unless there is something visibly nasty on the seat. My house is usually fairly clean, but I certainly wouldn’t advise doing anything rash like eating off of the bathroom floor or licking the windowsills. I wash my hands when the occasion calls for it, but I keep hand sanitizer in my purse primarily to entertain my kids during church services (They have clean hands and pure hearts). I believe that the general level of germiness surrounding me will probably help my children to grow up good and healthy since their immune system will have so many opportunities to experience things like cat hair and sneezed on toys. Or at least I did, before Thursday night.

I attended a little lecture on cleanliness, fully expecting the usual “wash your fruits and vegetables, wash your hands, avoid sick people” shtick that is the basis of good hygiene. It was so, so much more. I shall hit the highlights.

I arrived a few minutes late (funny how in the simple trip from the dinner table to the car I can get so distracted that I forget I’m actually leaving the house) and sat down just in time to hear about how disgusting movie theaters are, which I agreed with. After all, sticky floors are kind of icky. People, sticky floors are the least of your worries. Studies of average theaters have found that the theater seats have everything from mucous to hepatitis to vaginal secretions on them. Did you just say ew? Yeah, me too. So, always wear long pants and sleeves to the theater. You never know whose juices you might be sitting in.

Hand washing is the single most beneficial thing a person can do to keep from getting sick or passing on germs. What do I find totally irritating to do? WASH MY HANDS. Oh, I do it, I’m not gross, but I hate having wet hands. I hate the way most soaps make my hands smell, and I hate the time it takes to do it right. I have no idea why I loathe doing this so much. I had a friend once suggest that hand washing was just a moment of me time to focus on giving myself a little hand massage and a quiet moment. When I get the chance, I do try to do this, however, my children have figured out that if Mommy is in the loo the house is theirs for the taking, so I admit that I really rush through this step, and when you rush you don’t do yourself a lot of good. You should be able to sing Happy Birthday TWICE in the time it takes you to properly scrub up.

Another bathroom tip: Always put the lid down to flush because water droplets can splash as far as twenty feet away. Upon hearing this I thought, “Boy am I glad I keep my toothbrush in a drawer!” However, the next thing we covered was toothbrushes and how they really need to air dry and not be stuffed away or they will grow gunk. So you can have fecal flecked toothbrushes or oldie moldy toothbrushes. You cannot win. And now I know why Listerine is so popular.

The one thing that I kept hearing, through all of the talk on cleaning bathrooms and kitchens was that bleach kills all. I know a lot of people don’t like to clean with bleach, and to be sure, there were many other cleaning supply recommendations, but really, when it comes right down to it- you just can’t beat bleach. I went through an odd clean freak phase when I was expecting Jonas and I scrubbed my kitchen daily with straight bleach. I scrubbed my house until my hands cracked and bled, but I was not sick once during those nine months. Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?

I have now gone on a cleaning spree, disinfecting everything in the house, running the dishwasher and washing machine on empty loads with bleach, scrubbing counter tops, and planning full on attacks on my refrigerator in the near future. Everything must be cleansed.

So talk to me, are you germaphobic? What skeeves you out and gives you the germ willies? Do you have a favorite clenaing product or routine?