Wherein The Fact That I Have A Chronic Illness Smacks Me In The Face
Last night I went to bed at eight pm. I did this because I was starting to feel really cranky and achey and I was hoping that a few extra hours of sleep would level things out for me, and I could go back to pretending that I was so totally kicking Fibromyalgia’s butt with my positive thinking and mad physical therapy skills.
As reality would have it, I had been having some very good days. The pain was minimal and localized. The crankiness, while apparent, wasn’t the kind that made me want to go pull my covers over my head and die. I could push through the level of exhaustion I was at, because it wasn’t all that bad. I’m not saying I felt great, but I was feeling average to decent symptoms, and I can live with those. In other words, I wasn’t kicking anybody’s butt, as I liked to think, I was merely enjoying a small respite while Fibromyalgia was off getting her nails done and her coochie waxed.
I can only assume that the waxing didn’t go well, because when I woke up this morning she was back, clearly skeeved, and going to take it out on me. It hurt to open my eyes. It hurt to lay very still. It hurt to put my socks on. It hurt to change Maggie’s diaper. It took me three tries to clean the kitchen, because I NEEDED A FREAKING BREAK between the crumbs and the dishes because it HURT to wipe up bits of yesterday’s dinner that I left on the counter because I went to bed early hoping to avoid this exact scenario. I didn’t even shower because showering requires effort and the thought of the streams of water hitting my back made me cringe.
So today: Over before it began.
…just sent you a mail and then read this post after, you have my sympathy, here’s hoping this tough period will pass as soon as possible, I don’t think any of us can even begin to imagine how bad it feels but your eloquent descriptions do a pretty good job! My thoughts are with you x
Comment by Lisa — October 26, 2007 @ 1:09 pm
leah that really sucks, i hope this goes away as fast as it appeared. xxx
Comment by Wendy — October 26, 2007 @ 1:20 pm
Any recent weather changes where your at? I have noticed that like an old person with arthritis I can feel weather changes coming, like rain. I have what I call “flare ups” when the weather gets rainy and wet or cold. Rain, snow, and cold dampness really affect me. When the weather is nice my “symptoms”, if you will, seem to be more manageable. They don’t disappear mind you. I always have some reminder that I have fibromyalgia, but they are more subtle and tolerable when the weather is good. Except fopr my fatigue. That is present 24/7 just 100x worse during a “flare up.” I’m sorry your suffering. Just remember, 1. your not alone, and 2. your a woman, your strong, you can deal with whatever life dishes out. Hope your “flare up” passes quickly. Mine last anywhere from 3 days to 2 weeks.
Comment by Cattina — October 26, 2007 @ 2:52 pm
Gosh.. I’m really sorry that you are battling this disease
I have arthritis in my fingers… and that’s painful I couldn’t imagine my whole body feeling painful and then feeling crabby on top of it… thoughts and prayers your way dearheart!!!
Comment by justaflipflopmom — October 26, 2007 @ 4:39 pm
Hi Leah,
I periodically check out your blog and am usually entertained. But reading this today makes me feel bad for you. I have another friend who battled this for many years but now is soooo much better. I’ll be praying for you. Darcy
Comment by darcy — October 27, 2007 @ 7:19 pm