Part of this whole drive to keep a better perspective is that everywhere I look lately I feel as though I am being told from deep within that things need to change. I’m being told that my life is out of balance, that I am stretched far too thin.

I am trying to keep a positive perspective on this fact, rather than a perfectionistic, “why can’t I do it all” approach. I’m realizing that I need to say no. For my health, for my kids, for the sake of my spotty kitchen floor, I need to back off. I very rarely need to say no to outside forces (oh there are a few, and you will be hearing no, accept that please). I need to say no to myself. And I am the hardest person to negate. My Type A-ness is a tough nut to crack.

My trouble is that there are too many things I can’t say no to. I cannot say no to Jonas’ school trouble and let him get lost in the shuffle. I can’t say no to a day at the ER when Maggie gets hurt. I can’t say no to sleep, even though I try. I can’t say no to some aspects of work, because I need the paycheck. I can say no to things like making a good dinner, keeping a tidy house, reading my scriptures, and spending quality time with my kids, but then no one is very happy and I know that my priorities are completely out of wack.

I want to do better. I want to be able to set time for certain tasks and have that time respected, but the kids encroach on the work and the work encroaches on the husband and the extra time I need to find my own sanity because things are out of wack encroaches on what I really want to be doing. And I want to be content, happy and still feel a sense of accomplishment without keeping up at the pace I have been at.

In the past few months, my schedule has not been my own. I have been at the mercy of three or four doctor appointments a week. I have been jumping every time work or guilt about work told me to jump, and because of that I end up working many more hours than my salary is paying me, still feeling like I’m not doing well enough and then ultimately feeling taken advantage of, even though it is my own darn fault for not setting the limits that I should be setting in the first place. I am such a vicious cycle.

Imagine that you are me and you sit down and read something that tells you:

. . . wise mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most. Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.

And even though it makes an awful lot of sense, this stupid, stupid voice in the back of your head keeps saying, “But, but, but, but. . .” as though you should be able to do it all, choose it all and do it all well without anything being sacrificed. That is when you take a step back and ask yourself, “Seriously, how stupid are you?”

It is wise to be involved. It is good to have good pursuits and healthy things on your plate that give you satisfaction and help you provide for your family, whether that be monetarily or by just keeping mama happy. I firmly believe that we do need to be anxiously engaged in good causes. Idle hands never led to any good. ( I know, you’re trying to picture a mother with idle hands and you can’t do it, right?)

So balance. I can talk about it until the cows come home, but to really get to some semblance of it, wow, so much easier to talk the talk.