Won’t she ever post again, the selfish twit? All six of her readers are wondering what the heck happened, and she’s probably sitting at home eating bon bons and . . .Oh Hi! How ya doin’? Miss me?

Ok, I meant to post, really I did. You see it all started last Thursday when my in-laws took the kids for the weekend. Not only did I get to go to the Oakland Temple with Chris, but I got to do so with no notion whatsoever of having to hurry back for the kids, or having to hurry back so I was in bed at a reasonable hour so when they catapulted onto my bed at 6 am the next morning I could treat them with love, respect and general thoughts of not selling them to the nearest band of traveling gypsies.

I spent a beautiful evening in one of the most peaceful, sacred places I have ever been, and then I came home utterly relaxed, crawled into bed and laid there for a good ten minutes in shock knowing that no one would wake me up during the night.

The next morning I cleaned the house in dead silence. I methodically moved from room to room, tidying, scrubbing, laundering and when I was finished, I sat down and still enjoying the sound of silence, I watched the house stay clean. In fact, I enjoyed this so much that rather than jump up and get to work on one of the many projects I promised myself I would tackle during my weekend of freedom (sorry, quilt) I picked up my copy of Persuasion and settled in for a good read, stopping ever chapter or so to look up at the house and relish the fact that it was just as I had left it.

(This picture is excatly what that feeling feels like).

The next day I jumped into those waiting projects. I made several scrapbook items for Quickutz to display at CHA, and finally got my March and April journals together. I’ve been working on this year long journal, and though I had created the March and April books, and written most of the journaling, I had neglected to ever put them together where I could call the months complete. Getting almost caught up there felt very good; I even have much of May all planned out. By the end of the day my hands were filthy with ink, my scrap room pretty well trashed, and I was off to a church meeting that was quite nice and very quietly motivating and comforting.

The next day I went to church ( I know, give me time off and I worship, clean and play with paper scraps. . .I don’t think this qualifies as “painting the town red”). Then I came home and cooked lots of good food (including my first strawberry pie, which turned out famously) and had my children returned to me, which felt right. I love a day or two off, but I very soon want them right back with me. They were sufficiently spoiled by their grandparents, and eventually adjusted to the banality they are forced to endure in their boring, everyday lives with Mom and Dad.

This week has passed in an absolute blur. I’ve been doing school type stuff with Jonas and it is going smoothly. We’ve spent a lot of time putting together Indiana Jones Legos that were a birthday gift from my parents to Jonas. I watched a friend’s child so she could move; she watched mine so I could go to an appointment. I’ve been Maggie’s cheerleader, toy buyer and clock watcher as she has finally transitioned into Big Girl Panties, which the help of many Tinkerbell and Princess bribes! I’ve taken a bunch of photos. I’ve been busy running the big Nook contest and the new Design Team call, plus ordering things for the store and the kit club. Chris has sprained his ankle, poor man. I have been diagnosed with severe asthma (breathing: it’s so overrated.).

And then the news that I predicted, expected even, but which still managed to knock the wind right out of me: Chris is deploying again as soon as his Honor Guard assignment is up.

Ha! Did I throw you off kilter there? It got me. Now, I can handle deployments. The last one, up until my surgery and the ensuing craziness hit at the end, went really very well. Deployments simply require dealing, and I. CAN. DEAL. I very quickly formulated a plan outlining my support, my plans, my scheduled me time, and said, “No problem.” I reminded myself that I like being in charge and being independent. I really like not picking up sweat socks and various wires from the random places Chris leaves them. I like feeling capable, and calling shots without consult or argument. I can even really enjoy all four major holidays and two major birthdays with an ocean and a lot of sand in between us, cause I’m tough like that. And then, despite all of the logic and sensibility and honest, good reasoning, I went all hollow inside because really, I end up missing Chris a lot, and there are always reasons to worry, and there are many unfinished things here that will have no answer until he comes home again, and I don’t like loose ends and living a life in limbo. I like purpose and direction, and for all the Me that can be asserted and productivity that I can aspire to, it really takes a We to feel like forward motion is happening when you’re a family.