4:35am - Written 2 Weeks Ago
Early mornings are beautiful up at the cabin. The sky turns from deepest blue to shimmering pink over the East Mountains of Manti while the tiny town twinkles below shining up through the haze to me as I stand in the cabin gazing down at the valley.
I am standing in my underwear. I have stumbled from the warm bed and my snoring husband to the kitchen. One of my earliest signs of pregnancy is that I am perpetually thirsty. I cannot explain why, I can only confess that I have gone through liters of orange juice and half gallons of milk in single nights as I have repeatedly risen from my bed to pour liquid, straight from the jug into my parched mouth.
This trip is particularly thirsty, as the high altitude’s dry air has made my mouth feel like the inside of a toilet paper roll. I open the refrigerator door, debating between draining a carton of milk or the blueberry pomegranate juice, when the smell of the fridge hits me square in the face. My stomach drops two feet, banging rudely into my lower intestines. As it rebounds back into place a nearly uncontrollable urge to vomit sweeps over me, and I gag in the beautiful stillness of the kitchen. Morning sickness; it is inevitable.
I remember the first time. I was absolutely giddy about being pregnant, and wholly unscarred from the string of complications that were to be my future. Naïve and stupidly excited for every symptom pregnancy had to throw at me, I giggled to myself as a wave of nausea rolled over me as I grocery shopped. Morning sickness, I mused. Wow. I’m really pregnant! Stupid, naïve, cheerful dummy, I had no idea that I would spend the next four months receiving intravenous fluids to keep me alive.
In the week and a half that followed I went from one tiny roll of queasiness to around the clock vomiting. This can’t be right, I reasoned, as I tried to wrap my head around what the pregnancy books had described and my total inability to take in sustenance. I called the doctor and explained that nothing had stayed down for a week. NOTHING. I was a hollow, drained shell of a human being who was out of her mind with dehydration.
We tried many cures, the doctor and I, and not much helped. I lost nearly twenty pounds in two months. I still have scars up and down my hands and forearms from the many, many IVs that kept me human during this time. All of the reasonable cures for morning sickness, like the standard saltine crackers, sent me lunging for a sink. A kindly statistics professor suggested diluted grape juice, and that did stay down for awhile. At least when it didn’t I got to change things up a little and puke purple. I threw up at least ten times each day.
Several months and drugs later I was down to vomiting only once or twice a day, and for this, I was profoundly grateful. It was in this period of time that I discovered that what I had was not morning sickness. It wasn’t even close. Vomiting nonstop during pregnancy is called Hyperemisis Gravidarum. It affects roughly 1 in 200 women. The combined effects of vomiting and dehydration take a very heavy toll on a woman’s body. Both are exhausting. I know everyone is tired during pregnancy, but when you compound that with the energy lost from throwing up, and the energy depleted by severe dehydration- frankly, there just isn’t anything left. Additionally, the body is literally starving, on top of which, a tiny baby is quickly using up any reserves the mother’s body may have stored, weakening the mother and compounding the effects of the HG. Severe dehydration causes psychosis, vomiting gives you the teeth of a bulimic, and the whole kit and caboodle can wreak havoc on a marriage. For most, the only cure is labor. There are people who have died from HG, and babies who have been aborted because of the severity of the symptoms. It isn’t a small issue. It’s huge.
When I became pregnant with my second child, I was ready. After the first battle with HG, I knew what drugs helped, and I knew how I could help myself. The last thing someone who is sick to her stomach wants to do is eat, but it helps me to keep a full stomach (doesn’t cure, by any means, but it can take the edge off). I went to my doctor and I was told that I couldn’t bee seen until I was 8-12 weeks along. I tried to explain that I would require serious medication and IVs before that, and I was ignored. I was ignored until I started making frequent ER trips to get juiced up, and to be prescribed amtiemetic medications. It was during this period of time that I discovered Zofran.
Zofran is a drug originally designed to help chemotherapy patients keep their lunches down. It has been successful with many HG sufferers as well. It costs $40 per pill, and can be prescribed at up to 3 pills a day. I have eaten thousands of dollars worth of Zofran, and it is worth every penny. Thank heaven my insurance covers it! Zofran is certainly not a cure all, however. It usually takes my HG down to the level of severe morning sickness. This means I’m miserable, but at least feel like a human being again.
This time around, I talked to the clinic immediately about the HG and asked for a prescription. I expected to be given the run-a-round as before, but apparently when you say it is your third time around, they believe you. The good doc even prescribed an additional drug for me to take with me on my vacation, just in case. I do not intend to wait until I require an IV to start treating my symptoms. I learned last time that I need to get a leg up on HG or it will get me. It is easier to cut off the symptoms before I become dehydrated or exhausted rather than try to recover from those symptoms.
So far, I have had only a few days of nausea. I threw up this morning. Now, I would love to hope (and believe me, I have spent a lot of time on my knees begging) for a pregnancy that I could enjoy. A pregnancy that is normal, with usual aches and pains and fat, and a queasy but not debilitating first trimester. But I know that this is a long shot. My body doesn’t appreciate being pregnant, and the moment the nausea and vomiting get out of control I will use everything in my arsenal to stop it. Education is key with HG, and so I foresee an easier pregnancy than before, not because my body will not rebel, but because I will court marshal it back into subservient baby making. Note I did not say easy pregnancy, or normal pregnancy. I said easier, something that I can hopefully manage, if not for my sake, for my kids.
After all this, I know you are probably asking why I would do this again willingly and with excitement. I do it, because it is worth it. Sometimes the hardest roads give the best rewards.
Great post. Thank you. I have had 3 Hyperemesis filled pregnancies. The first one I got just about zero help from my doctor and didn’t realize how abnormal it all was.. The second one I had a PICC line put in after all other routes were finally exhausted, and my insurance wouldn’t pay for zofran.
The last one, they gave me a zofran pump. but I still needed a hospital stay of a week before they gave me that.
I want more children, and while it is worth it, I don’t know if I could do it all again.
Good luck beating it this time. I am interested to read how it all goes.
And, congratulations!
Comment by Lara — July 25, 2008 @ 3:13 pm
*sob*
I so wish Zofran worked for me, but at least Unisom/B6 seem to be doing the trick this go-round. It’s all so amazing isn’t it? How I’d love to be normal. Just once. Just to know what it felt like.
Comment by Jessica — July 25, 2008 @ 3:39 pm
Wow, I had no idea this condition existed, I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like. I thought I had problems with constant nausea for the first 14 weeks but this really puts it into perspective.
I had that thought, of why would you do this to yourself again, and then I thought of my son and realised I would have gone through anything to have him.
Comment by Kitty — July 26, 2008 @ 2:20 am
I love your attitude…pregnancy is hard for you, but that last paragraph says it all…it IS worth it. We have been trying for 3 years to conceive, and like you, I treasure the 2 kids God has given me, but I do want more. I am sick during the first 14 weeks or so (nothing like your sickness though), but despite all the throwing up and nausea…it is so worth it.
Comment by Shelley — July 26, 2008 @ 8:23 am
It makes me very happy that medical professionals are finally actually treating Hyperemisis Gravidarum. When I had my first child thirty years ago, I was told by my doctor that it was all in my head, that I was homesick and I needed to go home for a few months to visit my mom! Somehow I knew that wouldn’t help as my mom had told me about the relentless vomiting she had with all four of her pregnancies that would last about 20 weeks then ease off. I lived on Dr.Pepper and peanut butter and crackers. My second pregnancy was much the same. My third pregnancy 21 years ago, I had a doctor who actually recognized and told me about HG. What a blessing! He put me on vitamin B6, and folic acid with IV fluids as needed which usually would last me about a week before needing another.
Four years ago, my daughter also had HG and used Zofran, it helped her so much but her insurance didn’t pay for it, but it is worth every financial change that had to be made so she could afford it.
I wish you the very best!!
Comment by Vickie K — July 26, 2008 @ 11:38 am
Vickie K - some doctors are still in the dark ages, I just had mine tell me it’s all in my head a few weeks ago. But at least he’s willing to prescribe the meds and get me IVs when I need it, I just have to ignore his idiotic attitude.
Comment by Jessica — July 26, 2008 @ 2:59 pm
I’m so sorry you feel ill, but children are wonderful rewards, I agree.
The closest I can come to understanding would be the time I was in my first trimester with my third child. I was mildly queasy, until I caught a nasty stomach virus. My children and I could keep nothing down for a couple of days, and I was totally miserable! I admire your courage in facing that kind of challenge for nine months.
Best wishes and hoping you have a healthy pregnancy and baby!
Comment by Mom2Six — July 26, 2008 @ 3:01 pm
Yes, there are still doctors who try to tell you it is all in your head. They ought to be drop kicked.
That is one of the reasons why I blog about this, and I am glad others do as well. People need to know about it, and need to know that there are treatments for it. My first time around it was like someone had dropped me straight into hell with no warning. I had read tons of pregnancy books and magazines- and only saw one tiny, unhelpful mention of what I went through.
I had never “met” another HG Mom until I started reading blogs and ran into a few fellow sufferers. Even though I’m still sick- it is so nice to know there is someone out there who gets it.
Comment by Lou — July 26, 2008 @ 3:25 pm
I would like to wish you and other ladies with HG an easier pregnancy. I watched a good friend of mine go through 2 pregnancies with severe HG. It got so bad that her husband learnt how to administer IV fluids at home. She didnt have any energy to even get to the ER. I hope things are better for you this time around.
Comment by Priya — July 27, 2008 @ 6:00 am
Wow, Lou. I had no idea. Praying that you’ll manage this time to keep it under control.
Comment by Janine — July 27, 2008 @ 10:05 am
I’m sure you have tried this but I thought I would suggest it anyway since everyone I talk to with HG or any form of what seems to be extreme morning sickness says their doctor DIDN’T suggest this. I had more of an extreme form of what my doctor called morning sickness and she suggested unisom (don’t get gelcaps). It’s an over the counter sleeping tablet that does no known harm to your baby. It worked wonders for me through my whole pregnancy. I would take one tablet before going to be bed and no more throwing up! If I ever forgot to take it, then it would come back full force in the morning. It made my pregnancy enjoyable. Just a suggestion…I hope it gets better for you because like you said it is SOOO worth every second!
Comment by Becca — July 31, 2008 @ 7:57 am
Boy do I feel your pain. Not quite as severe, but I can understand where you are coming from. Some people don’t get sick hardly at all, others just for the first trimester, but my nausea and vomiting last just about the entire pregnancy. Lucky me. Zofran became my friend during each pregnancy as well. We had a fight with insurance this last pregnancy because they put a limit on the number of pills I was allowed to have each day, and it wasn’t going to cut it. It’s too bad they’ll pay for the hospital stays but not the things that will help prevent a trip to the hospital and the things that can help you function each day, especially when you have other kids to worry about and take care of. I hope that things will start looking up for you. I do agree with you, though, that having the kids is worth all of the pregnancy difficulties some of us are “blessed” to have to endure. I ask my husband if he thinks we’ll ever get a “normal” pregnancy where I don’t have lots of medical complications, but I guess the trials just help you to appreciate having a healthy baby even more. I know it has for me.
Comment by Becky Williams — July 31, 2008 @ 1:06 pm
“After all this, I know you are probably asking why I would do this again willingly and with excitement. I do it, because it is worth it. Sometimes the hardest roads give the best rewards.”
Well said! I wish you all the best!
Comment by Beth M — August 8, 2008 @ 5:28 am