Enjoying The Process & New Year’s Resolutions
I’ve been thinking about my approach to life lately. I am a planner. I am a someday-er. I am a person who frets about getting all of her ducks in a row for tomorrow, forgets the old cliche about the present being a gift, and replaces that embrace life optimism with neurotic worrying.
Now, I am getting better about this. I think that after life happens long enough you learn exactly how little control you have over circumstances. You make the best choices you can with the resources that you have available and you exercise hope and faith in a loving Higher Power that it will all work out to benefit you somehow. Learning to let go is important. I am loosening my white knuckled grip.
I have been trying really hard to focus on enjoying the process that life is, rather than enjoying the outcome. Spending nine months saying, “when the baby arrives, I’ll be happy” or “when my husband returns from deployment things will be good” is a grand way to waste several months that could have been filled with adventure and appreciation and beautiful experiences. Now is pretty good, and we cheapen it when we ignore it. Now can be a time filled with gratitude- even if your now is completely awful, and you wish it would just pass already, there are so many tiny miracles that can be recognized.
I have spent the past several weeks with a heightened awareness and appreciation of the hand of God in my life. It has made hard things seem like blessings, and helped me to look at situations and ask myself how I can make the very best come out of things. I have often looked at a challenge, and rather than seeing something that might make me feel down or overwhelmed, I’ve asked myself, “how can I embrace the joy in this moment? What can I do to make right now more fun or more productive or more happy?”
Christmas was one of those times for me. It was hard to do the holidays without my husband. Not only was it our first Christmas apart, but it was also the first Christmas with no plans with extended family. The burden of holiday merriment, cooking, cleaning, Santa magic, and everything else fell to me, and I’m sure most of you are well aware that it can really feel like a burden and not like a joyous celebration of the Savior’s birth. Sometimes the sadness that comes from missing special people around the holidays is a little too much, and I admit that on Christmas I got a very short, timed phone call from my husband and then hung up and burst into tears. I just wanted him home and I wanted Christmas to be perfect. Blubber, blubber, pregnant hormone soup, and boo-hoo some more.
The funny thing is, we had a great Christmas. Because I was overwhelmed, I got a little choosy about what I did and didn’t do, and I tried to focus on just the things that would make the kids happy. They are 6 and 4. They do not care that I didn’t spend hours making all of the traditional Norwegian dishes that I was craving. They didn’t even notice that I went for nearly a week without sweeping underneath the dining room table, and if they did, they didn’t judge me harshly for it. They really, really loved eating our big Christmas Eve dinner by candle light and drinking Martinelli’s from stemware like grown up, fancy people. They will recall that Mom sat them down before bed and read the story of the Savior’s birth because it was important to her. They were overjoyed at the sight of the tree and the presents. There were many typical Christmas things that simply didn’t happen this year, but the only thing they missed was their Dad, and that was totally beyond my control. I really think that despite my limitations and expectations, we made the very most of Christmas, and we really did have joy in the moment.
We did make this goofy little gingerbread house. Normally, I would have gone all out and created it from scratch, but I was out of energy and when I saw a pre-made box promising lots of candy and easy assembly with perfect results, I went for it. Lots of candy turned out to be the understatement of the year. Easy would have involved frosting that didn’t run like Elmer’s glue. Perfect? Oh not even close.
I was getting irritated. Jonas was frustrated that the gumdrops were sliding right off the roof. But Maggie wasn’t. Maggie was completely enjoying the experience. She loved the colors of the gumdrops, the taste of the frosting, the silliness of the drips, and her excitement made me quickly see that this was not something going wrong. This was something that wasn’t as I expected, but something that could be embraced and enjoyed.
I want to spend more time in this coming year loving what I’m doing. I want to be less worried about someday, and more enthusiastic about the moment. Perhaps the Air Force will move us and we’ll have to leave this big, beautiful house we finally got into. I want to embrace a move and expect good things and good people where ever we end up. Perhaps this baby will be just like his brother and refuse to sleep and think I’m a human pacifier. I want to accept the tiredness and enjoy the fact that I am holding a tiny, beautiful miracle and stroke his eyebrows and cheeks even when he screams and then appreciate it even more when he sleeps. Perhaps my husband will come home, only to turn right back around and start another deployment. I want to be able to say we loved having him home, we made the very most of it, and we are still learning and growing and doing the best we can with what we have right now.
I want to be a little more optimistic and have a little more hope. It isn’t a natural emotion for me- I naturally expect bad things and feel that emergency preparedness planning is extremely wise. Even when things go right, I look at the situation and ask why and what is around the corner that will make this bad. I was told that Chris will be home early from this deployment, and while I was thrilled, a big part of me panicked and asked, “What does this mean? Does this mean something bad is going to happen with the baby or our family and we are going to NEED him home early?” I know, I’m neurotic. But sometimes life feels like even when something goes right, it goes wrong. I find myself expecting bad things more often than not, and worrying myself sick over them. It is not a good approach to life, but an understandable one.
This coming year, I want to keep my attitude focused on embracing the moment and finding the joy in it. That is my goal: to live a little happier, a little more hopeful, and a little more enthusiastically.
AMEN!!! Wish I could articulate my thoughts as well as you. You are young but are so wise beyond your years for the experience you’ve already had. My very best wishes for 2009 for you! You’ve made my day with this post.
Comment by Jill — December 30, 2008 @ 6:31 am
Best wishes for the upcoming new year! I think this year I’m definitely going to try to live life to the fullest!
Comment by Erika M — December 30, 2008 @ 8:37 am
Thank you for sharing this and THANK YOU MAGGIE for showing us all how enjoyable the non perfect moments can be!!!
Comment by Alexandra — December 30, 2008 @ 9:07 am
That is all anyone should want!
We did the same this year, the holiday went by fast, but not from an over abundance of things, but from focusing on family time and less crazy time. I hope you meet all those goals this year! And enjoy doing it, life here is short, and ment to be lived with enthusiam!
Comment by Heather A. — December 30, 2008 @ 1:44 pm
So well said. I too am hoping to do the same from now on.
Comment by Lisa L. — December 30, 2008 @ 1:49 pm
I am a grandma to four (raise 2) mother of 4 and don’t feel alone…I felt…feel the same way and I try very hard STILL to live in the moment. I know that God will take care of me, but I guess I think it is my job to “worry”…and I do a great job of it.
I’ll say a prayer for you as you handle all this by yourself. If you were my daughter I’d be very proud of you!
Judy in Fernandina Beach, Amelia Island, FL
Comment by Judy Sanza — December 30, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
Amen! You are a smart woman and I need to cut and paste your wisdom all over my house! Happy New Year!
Comment by Elizabeth — December 30, 2008 @ 6:16 pm
Leah, I think you have an awesome idea. I would really like to embrace the momemt and stop worrying so much right along with you. Happy New Year!
Comment by Andrea — December 30, 2008 @ 8:55 pm
Amen.
Comment by Andrea — December 30, 2008 @ 9:28 pm
So well said. I need to take a leaf out of your book.
Comment by Janine — December 30, 2008 @ 9:28 pm
Wow, I totally could have written this myself! I think we need to start a military scrapping support group
Comment by Amy — December 31, 2008 @ 7:03 am
Very well said. May the New Year bring everything you hope for and more.
Comment by JoNell — December 31, 2008 @ 8:04 am
Thanks for your wise words! It was pretty much the same I wanted to write today, only much better said.
Hope you have a fantastic New Year!
Comment by Malin — December 31, 2008 @ 8:41 am
Thank you, your words have helped me. I needed to be reminded of these things, reading your post was almost like a devotional.
Comment by kathy — December 31, 2008 @ 9:01 am
I needed to hear this today.
Comment by Jane Thorpe — December 31, 2008 @ 9:52 am
You go girl. Something I love about children- they DON’T judge. How refreshing, and wonderful : )
Comment by creole wisdom — December 31, 2008 @ 10:29 am
I think that in everything there is always something that will go wrong. But the fun of life is to enjoy it even through ther trials. Life wouldn’t be life without the hardships.
Rob was saying the other day how glad he’ll be that this year is over. However, I told him that we’ve probably grown more this year than any other year. And there have been some wonderful things about it.
Comment by Ellie — December 31, 2008 @ 12:57 pm
My husband was deployed this Christmas as well. It’s not easy. Your attitude is really great though. The pictures of your little daughter are too adorable!
Comment by Beate — December 31, 2008 @ 1:11 pm
Beautifully said. I too will be trying to embrace more joy in my daily life. Thank you!!
Comment by Cathy K. — December 31, 2008 @ 2:03 pm
Love those pics of Maggie! She is adorable!!!
Comment by Keely Yowler — December 31, 2008 @ 5:41 pm
Just remember that unless the laundry grows legs and walks out the front door, it will still be there later. Enjoy the time with your little ones and take really good care of yourself. I am a mother of 6 and trust me the dishes and laundry still waits to be done. I get it all done when the time with the kids has been spent. That to me is more important. Leslie
Comment by Leslie — December 31, 2008 @ 6:11 pm
this is the second time I came across a link to your blog today and did not see this post til now. God has an amazing way of showing us here is here and he is listening. Everything you wrote about I too have been feeling and Christmas this year was a really tough one for our family. I am so thankful for the gift of Humility that God gave me this Christmas. This gift has changed my life and I look at 2009 now with excitement and true thankfulness for the blessings all around me every day. Thank you for sharing this message.
Comment by shemaine smith — December 31, 2008 @ 7:43 pm
When someone or something crosses our path (several times) in the span of a couple days we need to pay attention. You and your blog have done just that Leah. I visited InspireMe and see your LO was chosen as banner of the week. Well deserved and congrats. Your daughter’s pics are too precious! As the artist creating Webster’s Pages products I always enjoy seeing my work interpreted and capturing memories.
Please feel free to visit my blog and website any time.
Warmly,
Terri Conrad
Terri Conrad Designs
www.terriconraddesigns.com
Comment by Terri Conrad — December 31, 2008 @ 7:46 pm
Your post brought tears to my eyes girl! I think you have eloquently summed me up in your first paragraph and we are on such parallels in how we’re approaching that observation of ourselves.
I love how there were things you wanted to do for YOU but you CHOSE to do what would be super for THE KIDS… that’s EXACTLY what I did this year.
Hugs to you and yours and I hope it’s a GREAT 2009!
Comment by April Driggers — December 31, 2008 @ 7:53 pm
I think you said perfectly what a lot of us feel and want for ourselves. I hope that you are able to do everything you are striving for, Leah. And, I am going to work on those things in myself more this coming year. I need to appreciate the “now” more, forget about accumulating dirt under the table and enjoy the little gumdrops-sliding-off-the-roof moments. Thank you for sharing that with all of us.
Comment by Becky Williams — January 1, 2009 @ 4:42 am
It’s amazing what our children teach us, isn’t it? No other experience like a small child showing you something that seems obvious in hindsight.
Good luck with your resolutions… optimism and hope can be learned. Bravo for making it a goal.
Comment by Amy Wing — January 1, 2009 @ 6:54 pm
Very moving, you don’t feel so different when you know there are many people who feel the nerves and second guesses. I hope to learn from past mistakes and be more creative, but most of all enjoy the moment, and be happy where I am right now.
Comment by Donna — January 5, 2009 @ 10:13 am
Man, you were speaking right to me……..everything you said…and as a military wife you can never count on anything…ever…and I do the same thing, “well, once we get our orders….and move I’ll make friends, I’ll decorate our room, I’ll start exercising….it will all finally be right” but the thing is that it never is right, and there is always the “next thing” looming…..I a gree that you have to look at each moment and pull something good…it’s going to take a while to train my brain to do that…and we should be getting our orders any day and then I can feel some peace knowing if we will move or not…and not be in limbo.
Thank you for your touching words…and it’s hard to play Santa, I’ve had to do it also…you feel so very alone…yet you’re not alone…..you’re around happy little excited kids!
Hope your hubby comes home soon…mine just got back from deployment and has already started work ups this week…and so he is gone again………..
Comment by Katie W. — February 23, 2009 @ 3:21 pm