Has anyone else noticed that my blog has been blinking in and out of existence this month? Makes updating rather tricky. Blogsome had a server crash, and then the server they transferred it all to got overloaded and it took a few days to fix that as well. If you combine the days the blog was missing to the days that I’ve been totally blahhhhh. ..it doesn’t make for a lot of posting.

I tend to have a cycle where I go a million miles an hour and accomplish a lot, but then I have a day or two where I just plain crash and I can’t do anything I usually do without feeling completely aggravated and perturbed. When this happens, I take a step back, read some books, cook stuff, do projects outside of the world of paper crafts, clean things and sleep. I walk away from normal and get into a different groove, and usually, within 48 hours I’m back on track doing my usual thing.

It’s been 48 hours. In fact. It’s been 72.

It has also been 89, 107 and 196.

It’s been over three weeks.

I am blah.

I am unmotivated.

I am tired.

I want different things, and I would like all of them to come with a nap on the side and a dollop of someone else’s life, if that’s possible.

As strange as it sounds, I don’t feel depressed or hopeless. I just feel like change would be good.

I am a maniac who has to have a three projects underway and I’ve spent the entire week on a picnic blanket with a book. I looked out the window at all of the Moms in my neighborhood who I see sitting on lawn chairs accomplishing absolutely nothing but watching their kids run around the yard and staring off into space and I thought. . . “I think I’ll try that”.

It’s messed up.

What’s wrong with me?

I have a theory.

I think I am burned out.

But multiply burned out by about 20.

I think I made myself go for so long without ever hitting that total-wasteland-pooped-out place while I was pregnant and Chris was deployed and working 3 jobs from home and three kids and life life life LIFE that required me me me ME that I have now hit a WALL. A BIG, BRICK RETAINING WALL. The kind of wall that holds back mountains, is earthquake proof and can only be toppled by crafty trolls and grouchy ogres.

So.

I have decided to spread my picnic blanket at the base, plant irises, pack some fried chicken and a book and camp out until said mythological woodland creatures come knock the wall down.

Because that wall?

It casts some nice shade.