The Wall, The Picnic Blanket, And The Troll.
Has anyone else noticed that my blog has been blinking in and out of existence this month? Makes updating rather tricky. Blogsome had a server crash, and then the server they transferred it all to got overloaded and it took a few days to fix that as well. If you combine the days the blog was missing to the days that I’ve been totally blahhhhh. ..it doesn’t make for a lot of posting.
I tend to have a cycle where I go a million miles an hour and accomplish a lot, but then I have a day or two where I just plain crash and I can’t do anything I usually do without feeling completely aggravated and perturbed. When this happens, I take a step back, read some books, cook stuff, do projects outside of the world of paper crafts, clean things and sleep. I walk away from normal and get into a different groove, and usually, within 48 hours I’m back on track doing my usual thing.
It’s been 48 hours. In fact. It’s been 72.
It has also been 89, 107 and 196.
It’s been over three weeks.
I am blah.
I am unmotivated.
I am tired.
I want different things, and I would like all of them to come with a nap on the side and a dollop of someone else’s life, if that’s possible.
As strange as it sounds, I don’t feel depressed or hopeless. I just feel like change would be good.
I am a maniac who has to have a three projects underway and I’ve spent the entire week on a picnic blanket with a book. I looked out the window at all of the Moms in my neighborhood who I see sitting on lawn chairs accomplishing absolutely nothing but watching their kids run around the yard and staring off into space and I thought. . . “I think I’ll try that”.
It’s messed up.
What’s wrong with me?
I have a theory.
I think I am burned out.
But multiply burned out by about 20.
I think I made myself go for so long without ever hitting that total-wasteland-pooped-out place while I was pregnant and Chris was deployed and working 3 jobs from home and three kids and life life life LIFE that required me me me ME that I have now hit a WALL. A BIG, BRICK RETAINING WALL. The kind of wall that holds back mountains, is earthquake proof and can only be toppled by crafty trolls and grouchy ogres.
So.
I have decided to spread my picnic blanket at the base, plant irises, pack some fried chicken and a book and camp out until said mythological woodland creatures come knock the wall down.
Because that wall?
It casts some nice shade.
Oh, Leah
I know the feeling! 2 years ago I kissed the same wall, and nope.. it’s definitely not the type of kisser I like. I ended up sitting in a cognitive behavioral therapy chair. Diagnosis? Burned-out! It helped talking to someone who’s job is to listen. He helped me to step back, get perspective on my problems and the most important thing - he showed me how my overambitious self function so that I can recognize the symptoms in time in the future and hit the break before it’s too late 
I’ve been kinda low lately too. It usually helps scrapping, but not this time… As you said, maybe a change could be a good thing (?) I hope that my first Nook-DT-kit will bring me back on track. If it doesn’t work, I’ll follow your example and grab a picnic blanket and a book…
Hope you’ll feel better soon!
Comment by Alex — July 18, 2009 @ 10:34 pm
hey leah,
I am sorry you feel like that girl! I can totally understand though. You have had so much on your plate and sometimes you just don’t realize how much you have on your plate when you are caught up in it all, but once the dust settles you realize how pooped you really are!! I am glad to hear you are taking a moment to recharge;) Hope you are feeling back to your good ol’ self soon!
Comment by AbbieTorroll — July 18, 2009 @ 10:50 pm
I don’t even have kids (or a job right now)but I let myself sit and read or do nothing all the time…I might have a different life and personality than you, but I think everybody needs to chill out, relax and just focus on themselves a bit every now and then. The summer is a perfect time for that
Comment by Caroline — July 19, 2009 @ 5:06 am
I know what you can do for a change—write a book. Your writing is so engaging and witty! You have been going at full force for so long—take this time, regroup and listen to the quieet moments. It will all come to you!
Comment by staceymichu — July 19, 2009 @ 6:07 am
I am so glad that your blog is back. I have missed it
And, I agree that you have been doing so much for so long, and a lot of it I don’t even know about and I have been amazed at how you do so much ALL the time. I can relate, though, and have been feeling the same way a little bit lately…just want to veg out and not do anything, even my scrapping hasn’t been that great lately. I think that we all need to take a step back and evaluate things in our lives once in a while. Enjoy the quiet because it is sure to not last very long.
Comment by Becky Williams — July 19, 2009 @ 10:52 am
Sometimes it’s good to just sit and smell the roses or read a good book while lying on a picnic blanket!
Comment by Erika M — July 19, 2009 @ 12:46 pm
Sorry you are blah…but it is good to know that I’m not the only one who feels that way sometimes. Take time and recharge, all of those projects and responsibilites will still be there tomorrow (or a week, month, etc from now).
Comment by LaurieS — July 19, 2009 @ 2:29 pm
Sending you all my best wishes—you’ll know when you’re ready to come back, and I hope you can take as much time and space as you need until that moment comes. You accomplish way more than most people I know, but I know it doesn’t feel like it from the inside of that bubble. So maybe while you’re picnicking at the base of your wall, try taking a glance back at everything you’ve accomplished in the past month, or season, or year. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what you see—because we’re all certainly impressed!
Be well. I’m thinking about you.
Comment by Chandler — July 19, 2009 @ 6:04 pm
Be well, Leah! Hope you come back soon!
Comment by Erin — July 19, 2009 @ 6:09 pm
Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself…because how can you take care of others, if you’re burned out. I’m glad you’re taking the time you need to recuperate! That’s exactly what you should be doing. Love your blog and your scrapbooking. Thanks for sharing!
Comment by Carmen — July 20, 2009 @ 8:57 am
Love you & I’nm here for you if there’s anything I can do. You know that. I still want to tell you.
And I adore you for seing the light of the shadow, so to speak.
Comment by Zarah — July 20, 2009 @ 9:14 am
Leah, I’ll be 60 this year and I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve hit that wall. I wish I could write it won’t happen again, but that would be a big lie.
I beleive it is God’s way of telling us to get our priorities straight and I can’t think of a time when he’s been wrong.
I know your time in Fairfield is limited. I had good times there growing up. I had a close friend whose father was a Lt. Col at the time and flew B52’s. The highlights ~ when they built a K-Mart and an ice cream store. It’s pick up a little since then. I grew up in Carmichael and would take the bus down.
Take care of yourself and your family - personally, I like the book reviews.
Comment by Gayl — July 21, 2009 @ 5:28 am
Write that book - people are waiting.
Comment by skb — July 21, 2009 @ 5:28 am
I LOVE that you’re sitting and reading and watching life and your kids from a slower lane, it’s wonderful and we all need to do it! I’m always reading a couple books, I have to to keep my sanity! and when I must do dishes or laundry…I like to listen to books or music when my kids are playing outside. That way I’m still getting “me” time, but I’m being productive too…
Comment by Dianna — July 21, 2009 @ 9:02 am
I adore your honesty! Sometimes hitting a wall and stepping back is necessary for your soul to grow! Just be thankful that you have the option to step back. I hit these walls but still have to go to work everyday and then do the extra stuff and raise my family!! I’d love to just do nothing and read a book!
Comment by Lisa Day — July 22, 2009 @ 5:56 am
I love your blog for many reasons, the most important for me is your honesty. I’m not alone in not feeling perfectly happy just where I am all the time, but can sort of half laugh at myself in my attempts to manage in this crazy life. I love seeing all your crafts, feel a definite kindred spirit in the licks of life, and am hopeful to see that your story has an integral part of other lives changed for the better. Thanks for telling it like it is!
Comment by Carissa — July 22, 2009 @ 7:43 am
You’re due! Soak it up!
Comment by amie — July 24, 2009 @ 7:57 am
I think we all reach that point, eventually. We are super mums, super designers, super wifes etc etc - and we are super normal. We create so much energy - but we need some refill too. We need to GET some, just not GIVE.
Enjoy your “lazy” days, watch life pass for some time - and take care. Hugs
Comment by Hilde aka Scoobie — July 24, 2009 @ 1:43 pm