Clearly I’m out of it. Anyone else notice I used the same picture on 2 recent posts? Wow. Yeah. You should all be worried about my mental state. I know I am!

Gabe got sick. 104.2 degree kind of sick and we ended up in the ER. So he is on Tamiflu, and is improving. Maggie is still getting over it. Jonas is better. Chris and I are somehow still healthy. I’m waiting on h1N1 results, and frankly, I hope that is what it is just so I can know we’ve already done it and can just stop worrying about it. Because finding out that they all have weakened immune systems and are now even more susceptible would make me extra nervous. We had a child in our area die last week- Jonas’ age. So very, very sad. And very, very frightening.

The Air Force has officially gotten back to us, and their big, official answer is. . .

Wait for it. . .

We go nowhere. Travis AFB, CA will continue to be Home Sweet Home. On the up side, I like my house, my children are happy in their schools and now I’m going to do some serious decorating. On the down side, will we ever leave? EVER? What’s it going to take? I really hope it is not another 4 years before I get to go home again.

So, my winner is:

I would say with the way things have been…that they are going to keep you there but I truly HOPE that you go to your #1 spot or Utah!

Comment by Casey Lu — October 17, 2009

The only pessimist in the bunch, You win! I really wanted to send the person who said I would get to go overseas a present. Hee! Casey, shoot me your mailing address and I will send you somethin’.

The Air Force isn’t getting back to us on the BOP thing. We hit the 7 week mark and I asked Chris to call. They said it had been reviewed on Sept 6th and “gee, someone should have gotten back to you on that”. But no one has. So they said, “we’ll flag this and someone will get back to you in 3 duty days.

That came and went as well.

For an institution whose core value is “Integrity First”, you’d think they could at least play by their own rules, no?

So that just bites.

I have no idea when we’ll hear. In fact, if we don’t hear in a few more weeks I will probably just tell Chris to cancel the dang request and go back to the usual not having any idea whether or not the Air Force plans to move us any time soon. The amplified, hopeful version is enough to make your head explode. Imagine waiting for pregnancy test results. Now do that for two months.

That’s where I’m at.

My Middlest Child

So, I wasn’t going to blog it until I had actual news, but. . .

We’ve been at this base for over five years. It will be six years next April. This is a very long time for a military family to be anywhere. We have requested orders many times. We have begged to be sent overseas, we have volunteered for odd assignments that very few people want. We’ve prayed. And here we sit.

So, after being here we have earned what is known as Base of Preference or BOP. This means that we select our top 8 bases (stateside, nothing outside of the lower 48), and we say, “look, we’re done here. We’ve paid our dues and then some. Please send us to one of these preferred locations.”

The Air Force looks it over and is supposed to do its darnedest to get us to one of these places. They figure out which of these places has the highest need for a person of my husband’s skills and rank, and they make a spot for us there. Or, if they can’t do that they say, “Tough luck, loser, you’re stuck where you are because we just need you here so badly.” They are supposed to not use the Tough Luck, Loser option very often.

So, we submitted BOP in January.

And they lost the paperwork.

Yeah. I know.

So, we had a baby, adapted to that and then on September 29th, submitted BOP again through their new electronic system where, in theory, our paperwork can’t get lost.

I read the official release on this new system and it said SIX WEEKS to get back to us.

So I tried not to think about it. It didn’t work very well.

And then today after not hearing and not hearing. . .I did the math.

49 days exactly.

Which is SEVEN WEEKS EXACTLY.

I facebooked:

7 WEEKS!!!! SEVEN WEEKS!!!! 7! 7! 7! I NEED TO KNOW NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This excessive use of the exclamation point brought to you today by the US Air Force and their not getting back to us about Base Of Preference and whether or not I’m MOVING and WHERE to. I’M GOING INSANE!!!!!!! CAN’T TAKE THE SUSPENSE ANY LONGER!!!!!

And I am. Going crazy that is.

I hate not knowing if I’m coming or going. At this point I just want to know. If I’m staying- I’ll buy curtains for my dining room and make it look like a real room. I’ll switch the kids and the bedroom around. If I’m going I’ll start hyperventilating and making uncertain plans and cleaning out the house in a HUGE way. Either way, furniture will be moved. Either way, I will cry about it at some point.

So, I texted Chris today and begged him to make a phone call to investigate this. It doesn’t look like the papers are lost because the website has us listed as pending.

Gahhhhhhh.

So- lets play a game.

We’ll call it. . .Which Way Is Up. You can all guess where we are going, or if we are not going or if Chris will get some totally random, crazy assignment we don’t expect. Whenever we find out, I will draw a winner from the group of persons guessing correct, and send them a present.

If my memory serves me, we requested South Dakota as our #1 spot. North Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Utah- all on the list. there were others, hmmmm. I know we stayed mostly Midwest. No Southern bases were requested at all. I think Washington state and Ohio might be on the list- they are on our “we like those places” lists, but I really can’t remember what we put when we entered this crap shoot.

So - go ahead. Make a guess. Maybe you’ll win a prize.

While America has, on a whole, gone back to their usual ways of living since the shock of the devastating attack on the Twin Towers eight years ago, there are many people for whom the consequences of that day in history are shaping their lives today. People miss fathers, mothers, friends, sisters, and brothers. . .and many, many more put themselves in harms way on a daily basis trying to prevent this kind of loss.

My husband and my father have both served in this conflict, both deployed to serve their country.

To serve you.

And to serve me.

Because I live on an Air Force Base, and keep a circle of military spouse friends online, I know many, many men and women who continue to serve.

And I know the spouses of some who didn’t come back home while serving YOU and ME.

I’ve watched my husband participate in performing Honor Guard tributes to these fallen, and the fallen of conflicts past. I’ve seen it humble and change him. I’ve seen dignity in the face of terror.

It takes your breath away.

It changes you.

And it should.

Most days, we worry about the economy, and we worry about our kids and our hair and what car we drive and what frivolity we can give ourselves next- and that’s all fine and dandy.

But today I want to recognize this.

Today

and Tomorrow,

I want to be grateful.

I did this using the Lily Bee Audrey line for their blog to honor Sept 11th. I love this line for it’s rich palette. Having a husband in the USAF, I frequently find it difficult to find papers that really represent the honor and significance of the ceremonies and service captured in photos. So many red, white and blue color combos feel very beachy or are a little to sparkly, and not dignified enough to really say what I mean to say. This line does it for me.

I’m in a card mood, so I used up some pretty scraps and made this for a friend. Lovely Early Bird paper and chipboard.

We are ok here. It has been a crazy few weeks. It just will not slow down and every time I turn around I’m swamped. Many mornings Chris asks me what i have to do that day- I tell him one thing. . .and then I don’t have a moment to catch my breath from sun up until sundown. It is unbelievable. I think I may need to schedule myself some sort of “time off” - a week or two where I refuse to commit to anything. . .sacred days in the middle of June where I just breathe. . .I wonder if that’s possible?

I am busy working this week. I am ordering some fun new stuff for the Nook (copics, stamps, new paper lines- all droolworthy). I’m also running a big contest and starting pre for a new Design Team call.

Chris attended the funeral of a friend and co-worker today. This very young Airman passed away last week in a motorcycle accident on his way into work. Chris was asked to stand solemn guard over his body today at the wake, which is an honor, but also very emotionally draining. This loss has taken a toll on my husband, and I wish there was more I could do. We are reminded again of how fragile life is and how quickly things can change. It was quite the Memorial Day weekend.

Gabe is darling. He is growing every day, smiling, talking sweet baby talk, and being generally wonderful. When J.M. Barrie wrote:

When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.

He was dead on. Because Gabe laughed, and I tell you, there were fairies.

He’s home! Chris pulled in yesterday evening safe and sound! The kids and I got to go out on the flight line and see his plane land. Jonas and Maggie were so excited they were ready to run up the stairs into the KC-10 to haul their Daddy off the plane! Chris came down, shook the bigwig’s hands and then the kids tackled him.

It took me awhile to get a hug (or a word in edgewise for that matter). They were so excited to have him home. They were both very clingy, especially Maggie who pretty much turned into a feisty koala bear baby and refused to be set down. It was wonderful to see them so happy! I think Chris will be a full time Daddy over the next two weeks off; the kids aren’t going to let him have it any other way. I’ll have to hire a few sitters so I can spend some time with him too!

We had a very nice evening. I didn’t feel excited or thrilled - I felt like when I laid down at night all the pieces of a puzzle clicked back into place, as if he’d never been gone and everything was as it should be. Having him home feels very right.

(No pics of the homecoming because we aren’t allowed to shoot photos of the flightline-security issues (this kills my inner scrapbooker!)). I’m sure we’ll have loads of Daddy pics soon!

I don’t know when he will arrive. But I know he’s on his way. The plane could break down. It could re-route. He could be bumped for a day or two. The military is extremely unpredictable. I think that as a matter of national security, we should just announce what “the plan” is. . .because things never seem to go that way anyway. Honesty. It will confuse the heck out of the terrorists.

Last time the plane broke and he spent 3 days in Thailand at the Hard Rock Hotel in Pattaya. . .sitting on the beach. . .parasailing. . .having an awesome custom suit made for $100. . .getting a massage. . .yeah. . .I felt soooooo bad for him. He called saying how much he missed me and just wanted to get home and all I could think was, “Shut up! You’re in Thailand!”

So, maybe he will stop somewhere. I heard people mention a possible Germany stop, in which case he’d best come home with some chocolate and marzipan for me! We have been trying to get stationed in Germany for about six years now, and I’m sure our duty assignment here has kept my weight at a more reasonable level, so maybe I should be thankful for the lack of really, really good chocolate at my convenience.

Whether he arrives bearing chocolate or not, I’m ready to get him home!

I am not so good at the no-flash photo taking in the low light. I used a tripod, but I think when you have wiggly children, all bets are just off. However, they are cute little blurs, so they get blogged.

Here is what’s up at my house:

1. I am a little shocked at the number of entrants for the Cosmo Contest! Holy cow! You should see my e-mail inbox! I mean really, WOW.

2. Maggie has come down with a stomach bug, and it has hit her violently. It seems to be short, but she’s pretty wiped out and went to bed at 5 o’clock this evening. Poor thing. Now I’m just hoping it skips the rest of us.

3. Some jerk uploaded a bunch of nasty code to the military base internet server where Chris is stationed and crashed the whole system. No news on whether this was a terrorist or a stupid military person, but it has messed over any e-mail communication for our family (and many others) for Christmas. No pictures, no messages. And now everyone is clamoring to use the phone, so that is a trickier option as well. Bummer, and so sad for the holidays.

4. I ordered curtains, and they sent the wrong ones. It took 3 calls to the 1-800 number, a mall visit on the Saturday before Christmas, 2 managers, 1 associate and 35 minutes at the store counter with a growing mob of irritated shoppers behind me before they could properly refund me and re-order the correct items. Seriously. And they ended up refunding me in 4 different increments and charging me again with one charge, so now I have to watch for 5 items to go through on my bank statement and hope they didn’t mess it all up and screw up my finances. I’m worried. And without curtains.

5. I wrapped my gifts today. It feels really good to have that done. I had to lock myself in an upstairs bedroom and let Jonas stay up way too late watching a Christmas movie to pull it off, but I got it done! Woo!

6. It hit me today that it is only 4 days until Christmas. . .and I have baked nothing. Usually at this point in the year I have quite the goody stash and I’ve taken plates to all of our friends. I don’t think that will be happening this year. Between the move, the croup, Maggie’s party, work and now this tummy bug- I’m scrambling. I’m hoping to bake one thing each day between now and Christmas.

7. Do you remember those crocheted Christmas trees that you put over styrofoam or cone shaped paper? My mother sent one in our Christmas box this year, and both of my children are convinced it is an elf hat. I found Jonas fast asleep like this the other night!

8. If you expect to get a Christmas card from me, expect to get it late. I’m just sayin’ - I tried. I really did try. But only 2 or 3 are filled out and I think it is going to be one of those years where I just send to grandparents who lack internet. Christmas has caught up with me big time. For the rest of my family, may I direct you to my flickr account where you can see what we look like? Hi, Merry, merry, Ho, ho, ho, Christ the Savior is born, so get rejoicing. This is your Christmas card.

For those who sent me cards, thank you. Really. All the cool mail has been the highlight of my kids’ days.

9. Holy Cow I’m Having A Baby! I have been so BUSY I kind of forgot that I’m huge for a reason. This is great because it means that I have been feeling incredibly healthy, but with everything going on, and all of the things to do, it really hit me over the past few days that if this little guy shows up early like the other two, I could have a baby in 6 weeks! 6 weeks is not very long! This is the first time I’ve ever been pregnant and thought, “Oh that’s ok, we can just leave him in longer”. I’m a little overwhelmed. The baby has 5 cloth diapers and 2 outfits. January is going to be baby month, I guess!

10. Chris’ orders changed to where he is now supposed to be home in about a month! This is GREAT as it means he’ll be home for the birth, which is HUGE! However, it has also gotten my hopes really high, and the military likes to change their minds, so now if they do change it up again, I’m going to be really bummed and need your hugs and friendship and Godiva chocolates to get me through. You can’t mess with my expectations, it really screws with me. Tell me we’re doing something the hard way, and I’m saying, “BRING IT!” But tell me we get to do things the way I want to do things and then jerk me around in the last few seconds and you’ll make me cry. So now I’m all excited but worried and slightly neurotic at the same time. Nice. It will all be over soon, either way. Breathe. Right?