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When Chris was deployed he went to the $5 barber for his haircuts. What you are about to see is standard post-buzz treatment. The first time it happened, Chris almost punched the guy thinking that he was making a move on him. I’m just gald he got a little affection while he was deployed.
Here, I pay through the nose for a simple cut (blow dry extra), and there’s no bonus.
We drove up to Temple Square that day. Now, we were both obviously very anxious about the impending proposal. Every time we sat down or Chris looked at me I expected him to pop the question. The funny thing was we were surrounded by brides. It was spring break and wedding parties were EVERYWHERE. The temple grounds were dotted with big white dresses. There were brides in sneakers and brides in bare feet. There were brides kissing and brides laughing and brides being photographed and nervous parents fussing over details and photographers everywhere you looked. It intimidated the heck out of my man. You see, every time we sat down or he looked at me he was about to propose, but then the second he opened his mouth a bride would come around the corner and steal out spotlight. We went the entire day with no proposal.
We were meeting another friend of mine at Temple Square that day and the plan was for me to go home with her for the next few days. She picked me up and when she asked me how I was I said, “I think I’m engaged.” The time passed in a haze because that was all I could think about.
When I got back to my dorm on Saturday night Chris picked me up and we drove over to his grandparent’s house to catch a late movie. As soon as we opened the door, Grandpa came running with arms wide open and crowed, “Welcome to the family!”
He gave me a big hug while Chris hissed through clenched teeth, “I haven’t asked her yet!”
“You two can’t pull the wool over my eyes! I know what’s going on here!”
Chris looked totally defeated. I just about fell down the stairs from laughing so hard.
The next day Chris was bringing me over for Sunday dinner. I had an inkling that he would propose (I wonder why). We drove past the main entrance to the Manti temple, the place where we both wanted to get married. I expected him to drive up and stop, but he didn’t. The poor guy was trying very hard to be suave and everyone was spoiling his romantic plans. As he passed the main entrance I figured he would drive up the back way, which is exactly what he did. He took me out of the car, sat me on a boulder and proposed asking if I would honor him and his family name and be his wife. Of course I said yes.
He then told me that he knew he better do it before he brought me home for a family dinner or he’d be forced to do it right there in front of everyone, which was true. As soon as we arrived we were bombarded on every side, and the wedding plans began.
The following week marked spring break, a season in Utah marked by blooming flowers, no classes and people getting engaged so fast it’ll make your head spin. Being an out of state student in a tiny town who had never set foot in Utah before being dropped off there for college, I had nothing to do and no car to do it with. So Chris proposed that he take me up to Temple Square to see the sites and that we spend a few days there.
Because we are very goodie two shoes, straightlaced Mormons, we arranged to have me stay at a friend’s house in Provo while Chris stayed with his friends. The next morning my friend dropped me off at Tyler and Amber’s place where Chris was. Tyler was in class at the time and Chris was in the shower. Amber practically jumped me. She immediately began to assess the depth and future of our then three week old relationship. She asked me if Chris and I had talked about marriage, and I said that we had but not seriously. The conversation then turned to less threatening topics, which was a relief.
The second my husband to be stepped out of the bathroom Amber pounced and giddily said, “Let’s go ring shopping!” Chris and I were shocked. He was wondering what the heck I had told Amber. You see, his ultimate plan had been to ditch me with Amber and go ring shopping with Tyler, but he hadn’t shared that with anyone. It was supposed to be a surprise. I was in shock, but trying not to look like I cared too much either way because I didn’t want to scare him off, but I didn’t want him to think that I was opposed to the idea. Amber gleefully dragged us out the door.
She took us to what is probably the fanciest, most expensive ring store in all of Utah. There wasn’t a ring there that wasn’t set in platinum and I don’t recall seeing anything less than a carat on display. I watched Chris go white reading the $20,000 price tags and I kept thinking, “Isn’t that like a down payment on a house?” Thankfully, it was time to go pick up Tyler from his class, and so we left the ridiculously posh jewelry store.
When we picked up Tyler and explained, much to his surprise, what we were doing, he suggested that he take us to the jewelry shop that he had purchased Amber’s ring in. He drove us to the Orem mall.
A few months earlier I had been at this mall with a guy I dated casually when I had been stopped dead in my tracks by a beautiful wedding dress in a display window. I had no serious relationship at the time and no intention of wedding any time in the near future, but when I saw that dress my heart skipped a beat. I have never been the kind of girl who read through bride magazines and planned lavish fairy tale weddings; I had never had my head turn over a cake or a ring or a dress, but this dress was perfection. It was modest and simple in design, but with intricate details that resembled vintage trim. I was absolutely breathless, and I said, “I hope that dress is around when I get married.” The ring shop Tyler took us to was directly across the hall from this dress shop.
Chris and I began to look at rings. He gravitated toward thicker bands and massive rocks, while I favored much more delicate settings. However, in both of the ring stores we had visited, I didn’t see a single ring that made me want to wear it for the rest of my life. Chris and Tyler were sitting down to talk to the jeweler and he shooed me down to the other end of the store. I sat down in front of a ring display and there it was, the most lovely, delicate setting for a ring that I had ever seen. The engagement and wedding bands intertwined gracefully and the wedding band held four smaller stones around the center engagement stone. The edges twisted between smooth and brushed gold. I asked the sales girl to show the ring to Chris and tell him that I wanted something along these lines. Apparently she knew the look on my face because when she quietly brought the ring to my almost-fiancé she said, “This is it. This is the ring. If it isn’t this ring, she’s not going to say yes.” I didn’t hear what she said, but needless to say, Chris was taken aback! He leaned over toward me and said, “I thought you wanted white gold,” which I did. The jeweler immediately confirmed that he had the same set in white gold, and it was done.
Chris then handed me a five dollar bill and told me to go look around and get something to drink. He did not want the entire surprise spoiled, and I know after what the salesgirl said he didn’t want me there telling him to get a huge diamond!
Kicked out of the store with Amber I decided that I might as well go over to the dress shop and see if that gorgeous wedding gown was still there. It was, and it fit like it was made for me. It really was perfect. I took down the information on the dress for later. How many women can say they tried on their wedding dress while their boyfriend was buying their engagement ring?
Well, we caught up with the guys about a half an hour later. Chris was in shock. He had just emptied his bank account, and his surprise was pretty much ruined. I was very much on edge.
Part 5 Tomorrow! 
(2 out of 3 doctors recommend reading parts 1 and 2 first).
So we were official. And something was very wrong with me. I could not stop smiling. People were commenting left and right about this sudden beaming grin on my face, a face that prior to falling in love usually wore a more refined and serious expression.
Four days later Chris and I had still not had our first kiss. We were sitting in the car outside my dorm late at night and Chris turned to me and said, “I hope this doesn’t freak you out- but I really hope I marry you.” This should have freaked me out, really it should have, but it didn’t, not at all. I said, “I hope I marry you too.” I really, really like this guy, I thought as I said goodnight.
Two nights later we were watching a movie in front of a roaring fire at Chris’ grandparent’s house when one thing led to another and he kissed me. You would think that this would be some monumental romantic oh-we-are-so-made-for-each-other moment, but it wasn’t. It was tainted. The moment our lips locked one, and only one, thought ran through my mind in boldfaced type. Chris’ kissing conversation frm a few weeks prior was at the front of my brain and all I could hear was him saying: I’M NOT KISSING ANYONE UNTIL I KNOW SHE’S GOING TO BE AROUND FOR AWHILE. Here I am, locked in a passionate embrace and all I can think is, “I’m going to be around for awhile? WHOA! This is serious!”
The next week followed in a bit of a daze. I knew this was it. I was totally overwhelmed by the fact that this was it and here I was at the ripe old age of nineteen, with plans and goals and suddenly, they just weren’t quite as important because This was the THIS that was IT.
Chris’ mother was coming into town. Now this is a woman who in my adult life is one of the people who I treasure most. I had no idea that we would become such close friends at the time. I just knew that I was about to meet my future mother in-law and it scared the pants off me. Her parents had filled her in on her son and his new girlfriend and also the seriousness of the matter. (Remember, they had already had us married the first time we met- at this point visions of 2.5 kids and a cocker spaniel were probably going through their heads). So she had flown out from California to meet me.
Like I said, I was scared silly. During the time that Chris and I had been dating I hadn’t made a lot of efforts in the hair and make-up department, and he loved me anyway. But this was different. The day that Chris was supposed to pick me up to go meet his mother I think I went through every article of clothing in my closet. I remember the exact pair of black pants and burgundy sweater I ended up wearing (not too causal, not too formal). I can distinctly recall the moment in the car when Chris took a good look at me and my make up and busted up laughing and said, “You got dressed up to meet my mom!” Yes, dear, I did. The shaking knees are for her too.
So I met the mother. I remember very little about this, except that Grandpa had one of those obnoxious parrots with a microphone that repeated whatever you said, and he made me talk to the bird, in German, and I had no choice but to play along. Then, because that wasn’t embarrassing enough, I tripped over my own glass of cranberry juice and spilled it on the white carpet. Aside from that I stumbled through a few pleasantries and just stared at this woman who I knew was going to be my mother in-law while a voice in my head screamed, “Does she have any idea? Does she know I kissed her son? Is she going to be one of the scary mother in-laws who might try to kill me? Do I look like a complete idiot?”
Because I didn’t say any of those things, and Chris’ mom is actually very kind and welcoming, it went reasonably well. She had a very good idea what was going on between her son and this girl he had dated for all of two weeks, but handled things with grace and finesse. We only visited for a short while and then I was able to go home and drive Chris crazy with endless inquiries as to what he thought his mother thought of me. Then he was able to drive his already neurotic girlfriend crazy by answering with words like “fine”and “ok” rather than detailed information.
But, I had passed the test. I met the mother and things continued to snowball.
The next Sunday rolled around and I had a very strong impression that Chris was going to ask me to join him for dinner with his grandparents after church. I laughed at this, but the feeling was pretty strong, so I made sure that I arrived at church ready to go. An hour later, in the middle of Sunday school, Chris handed me a note inviting me to lunch.
I accepted, having no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew it was basically a pity date since I was from out of town and didn’t get to go home to Sunday dinner on long weekends, but it sounded like a good time. It was Super Bowl Sunday. I had no idea. We had a pleasant dinner with Chris’ grandparents, and I was ready to go when his extended family showed up in droves. There were three sets of aunts and uncles, and each set brought what seemed like an awful lot of kids. I was introduced to everyone, and eventually squished onto the couch, watching a game that made absolutely no sense to me, feeling very out of place in the middle of the huge and immediately accepting family. So yes, on my first “date” with my husband he took me to his grandparent’s house and introduced me to 3/4ths of his family.
Later that evening we ended up at Chris’ uncle’s home. We were having a conversation where Chris was explaining his theory on dating everyone so he didn’t get stuck. His uncle was wondering just how much fooling around was going on with these dates when Chris told him that he wasn’t kissing anyone until he knew she was going to be around for along time. Immediately, Uncle David asked me if Chris had kissed me yet. I’m sure I blushed three shades of red while I explained that we were just friends.
Over the next two weeks Chris’ family hounded him mercilessly about when he was going to bring that girl back, and how was that going anyway? He even brought another girl over to his grandparents, but they were undeterred. They had us married from the minute they met me.
Finally, Chris invited me over to his grandparent’s house again. It was President’s Day weekend, and we were two of the few students still hanging around campus for the long weekend. We ate, talked, enjoyed the beautiful Utah weather, and just had a great time. That night we were watching a movie in his grandparent’s basement. There was a fire in the fireplace and Chris had his arm around me and he asked me if I would go steady with him.
I completely wrecked the moment and asked him if he was serious. This right here should have warned him about what he was going to be in for if he married this crazy North Dakota girl, but he replied that he was serious, and no joke was intended. I said that I would.
So we were an item. We both sat on that couch, ignoring the remainder of the movie while in my head a little voice was trying to figure out how in the heck that had happened. I had NEVER agreed to go steady with someone before. I had no idea at the time that he was sitting next to me asking himself, “What did I just do? I’ve never asked someone to go steady before.” Yet, it just felt right.
Part 3 to follow.
Chris and I met my second semester of college. I had dated a few real losers in my first semester and had pretty much sworn off guys. I think my exact words were, “I’m done dating until I find the guy I’m going to marry.” I had no idea that would be three weeks later.
My friend Krista and I were walking down the street toward our dorm when this guy with whom I was not at all impressed started walking with us and chatting. In retrospect, he really was just being friendly, but in my Guys Are Jerks mode I took him to be one of those arrogant Returned Missionaries who comes home after two years of serving the Lord and consider himself to be God’s gift to women. Date me, for I am hot, righteous and a returned missionary. Did I mention the mission? The holiness with which I am now endowed because I. Was. A. Missionary? Seriously, people, you think I’m joking about this, but have you been to Utah? RM status is to many Utah-Mormons the equivalent of a Ph.D and a loaded bankroll. Then there are the more realistic people who acknowledge the good that they have accomplished on the mission and equally acknowledge that they are still basically boys who are clueless, although good. To the arrogant ones, might I remind you how attractive a little humility can be? Do good things, be righteous, don’t be an arrogant prick- that’s all I’m saying.
Anyway, I gave him the cold shoulder, a withering glare, and he kept his conversation directed to the tall blonde and gave the gorgeous but scary brunette a wide berth. Can you blame him? I walked into my dorm and didn’t give him a second thought.
The next Sunday I went to church and guess who happens to be there? Right. So I decide that being at least civil might not hurt.
Over the next few weeks I saw Chris a lot because he was perpetually hanging out at the girls’ dorm. It turns out that he had a plan, and that plan was to take a different girl on a date every single night so he wouldn’t get attached to just one. Sometimes he would even line up back to back dates! To his credit, he wasn’t fooling around with them. It was all one long line of first date pleasantries and then on to the next chick on the list. You can image how many girls this upset. You see, the college we were at had about 8 girls to every boy, and at least 60% of them were there trying to get their Mrs. People didn’t date flippantly; every date was an interview for marriage for many of these gals. For me, my dating was more of an intense desire to eat out and not pay for it. Sure I’d go out with Mr. Doesn’t Stand A Chance if it involved free Mexican food. He wasn’t going to get anything but conversation from me, so it wasn’t like I was being a slut about it.
About two weeks after we met I heard through the grapevine that Chris had said that I seemed very prim and proper. This completely intrigued me. When I was in high school my friends used to joke and call me “the prude”. It was all in a good fun. When I arrived at a small town Utah college, people began to refer to me as “wild”. I had not changed a bit. I liked to have fun, I liked to stay out late, but I was still basically a prude. No drinking, no drugs, no sex. The wildest thing I did was drive to Denny’s at 3am with a bunch of friends and admit to being a Democrat. To have someone who hardly knew me look at me and see my awkwardness, my insecurity and judge me honestly shook me up a bit. I decided that I was going to show this boy exactly how not prim and proper I was, so I decided to actually talk to him and be nice. ( I know, I’m tough, eh?)
So we began to talk. It turned out that he was pretty easy to talk to. We were both from out of state, so our perspectives we very similar on many levels. At the same time, since he was from the San Francisco Bay Area and I was from Fargo, North Dakota, we were intensely different. I was intrigued.
Now, at the time I was taking a maximum course load of 20 credits, and many of them were advanced courses. I was also rehearsing for the college musical. Basically, I was so busy that we were only seeing each other on weekends or after he had brought that night’s date back to the dorm. Many of our conversations started because he was teaching Sunday school. I would sit in his class and for an hour we would have a one on one gospel centered discussion while the other thirty people in the class watched on, amused. People began to talk, and some of my roommates even started talking marriage. I laughed at it all because I was so done with guys. This was fun. This was casual. Nothing to see here.
More of how we became us to come. . .
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