Kimble was born with a congenital heart defect. This was detected while still in-utero, and the Nunnelly family has been working hard to prepare for this little guy. He is in the NICU right now, doing well, but he faces multiple major surgeries very soon. Shaina will be basically living at the hospital for the next few weeks to keep up with his care. If you wouldn’t mind adding Kimble and the Nunnelly family to your prayers, I know it would be appreciated, and would definitely help along the miracle that is needed here.

Now, if you can help in a more tangible way, Shaina has written a cookbook during this pregnancy to help fund the steep medical costs of surgery and NICU care. Shaina is a great cook, and I’ve sampled quite a bit of her cooking as well as been on the receiving end of meals when my daughter arrived. You won’t go wrong with these recipes, and you will be helping a good family with your purchase! So treat yourself to a whole lot of yummy, and please buy a copy of, “Just Because I Like To Cook“.

PS: Also makes a good Christmas gift.
PPS: THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

Do you ever have something to say and you’re just not sure how to say it? Sometimes explaining yourself is the hardest thing of all. I need a starting point.

The thing is:

Will a semi colon help? One wonders. . .

THE THING IS:

I know I worried a number of you when I said I was re-prioritizing and making changes. I got many concerned comments and e-mails, many of which were perceptive enough to know exactly what to be worrying about. Thank you. It means so much that you care.

I don’t want to worry anyone, so here I go. For give the blather likely to ensue shortly. I’m tired and my words just aren’t coming very easily.

The thing is, I no longer want to scrapbook on anyone else’s terms. I’m not finding joy in this. I’m finding stress and an honest desire to not make anything. I am tired of deadlines and worrying about being good enough. And I’m ready to take a break, sit back, and think about something else. Because of this, I quit almost all of my Design Teams. I still work for The Scrapbook Nook, but have renegotiated my contract to be one that does not require me to fulfill any design obligations.

This is the best thing for me right now.

It doesn’t mean I’ll never scrapbook again. I’m sure I will. I just want to make things because I feel like it, not because I am obligated.

(I realize half of my readership just scrolled up to their bookmarks list and deleted me, ha! Sorry about that.)

I need to simplify as much as possible right now, and this is part of it.

You see, the thing is, I really struggle with giving myself credit for what I do. I do a lot. And I have a hard time acknowledging anything that doesn’t make people say WOW or leave tangible evidence as “a lot”. I can spend a day scrubbing the house, cooking for my family, reading to my kids, doing the grocery shopping and taking the kids to the doctor- and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything at all. I realize that is is not true.

These tasks are extremely important. Raising your babies may not have gratifying moment after moment of contentment, completion and evident value- but it is critical. The sad thing is, motherhood can have contentment, gratification and even completion if you are at peace enough to recognize each beautiful, valuable step in life and embrace and celebrate that. I need more of that.

I also struggle with post partum anxiety. I am not sure if I have ever discussed this on my blog before. Each time I have had a baby I have had a few blissful months, and then I have been eaten alive by anxiety. With Jonas, it was exhausting. With Maggie, it was crippling. She hit a year old and my life stopped. I could hardly leave the house, I couldn’t stand noise, and I thought and thought and thought myself into a horrible, obsessive tizzy until I could barely sleep or function.

There is a ledge between functioning with anxiety and not. I am trying to stay as far away from that ledge as is possible. So far, it is mostly an irritant. Occasionally, I have a really bad day. I don’t tell people about it much, I just muddle through. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I’m just angry that I’m on this train again. And sometimes, I don’t show up physically or emotionally. I am unable.

I’m doing what I can to take care of myself and to deal. I see a therapist. I make sleep and taking care of myself a priority, and so far that is helping. It still isn’t fixed though. The last two times it took several months to get back to feeling like myself. (You know, my usual level of obsessive crazy).

So I’m simplifying.

Most people would say, ‘I’m quitting scrapbooking to pursue other things”. I’m quitting to pursue. . . less. I told my husband I was going to start watching two more television shows a week in an effort to chill out.

Aside: I have a rockin’ husband. I told him that I quit my Design Teams. Since my designing is so closely connected with my paycheck bringing work, he thought I said I had quit my job. To his credit, and I will love him forever for it, he was 100% supportive. There was a very brief flash of “uh-oh” across his face and then he was just there for me. Thanks to that flash, I was able to let him know that I didn’t just sink the family finances- but wow- to know I could have and he loves and supports me anyway? Wow.

So. More TV. More family time. More homework with the kids. More sitting on the living room floor making faces into a mirror with my baby- and all of this without a deadline lingering in the back of my mind. More time to sit, to be still, and to know that He is God.

That’s about perfect.

Also perfect: My birthday is in three days! And I heard a rumor that a very yummy ice cream cake was ordered. For anyone wondering what I might want here is my wishlist. Also, this book, which I couldn’t find at the bookstore today, and cute socks. I’m easy to please. Hee!

(And seriously, no one has to get me anything, but you know. . .just in case).

Gabe got sick. 104.2 degree kind of sick and we ended up in the ER. So he is on Tamiflu, and is improving. Maggie is still getting over it. Jonas is better. Chris and I are somehow still healthy. I’m waiting on h1N1 results, and frankly, I hope that is what it is just so I can know we’ve already done it and can just stop worrying about it. Because finding out that they all have weakened immune systems and are now even more susceptible would make me extra nervous. We had a child in our area die last week- Jonas’ age. So very, very sad. And very, very frightening.

The Air Force has officially gotten back to us, and their big, official answer is. . .

Wait for it. . .

We go nowhere. Travis AFB, CA will continue to be Home Sweet Home. On the up side, I like my house, my children are happy in their schools and now I’m going to do some serious decorating. On the down side, will we ever leave? EVER? What’s it going to take? I really hope it is not another 4 years before I get to go home again.

So, my winner is:

I would say with the way things have been…that they are going to keep you there but I truly HOPE that you go to your #1 spot or Utah!

Comment by Casey Lu — October 17, 2009

The only pessimist in the bunch, You win! I really wanted to send the person who said I would get to go overseas a present. Hee! Casey, shoot me your mailing address and I will send you somethin’.

My favorite part was the video, and all the fun facts to think on, and the complex scientific break down of a baby’s nutrition needs. Did you know that in comparison, if a grown man was to have an infants calorie needs, he would need 9000 calories per day? Fascinating! Check it out.

“I wrote this review while participating in a blog campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Mead Johnson. Mom Central sent me a gift card to thank me for taking the time to participate.”

And I admit, that occasionally, when I want to get something done. . .I take advantage of that love.

And he gets to watch the dryer dry.

Or the washer spin.

And I get a significant amount of free time.

So, the More Me Time campaign they are running? It doesn’t mention this as an added benefit. It tells you about the great cycle settings and the even wash/dry time and the efficiency. But today- THIS is my favorite benefit.

Hi.

My kids are puking. And feverish. Well, the older two are, I have kept the baby at arms length of the virus that is likely the much talked about H1N1. I am not the type to drag anyone to the doctor unless they really need it, and so far this is your typical flu, only very respiratory system involved.

Anyway. Kinda busy with the vomit and the two day migraine going on in my own body. So! Much! Fun!

Hmm so what is up at my place. . .

Air Force: has given us their FOURTH deadline on when they let us know if/where we move. This means that three times they have said they would do their job and didn’t. I am not holding my breath for the “by the 30th, at the latest!” Aw, heck, maybe they’ll surprise me. And then I can draw a winner!

I am re-evaluating my time and my work and my list of commitments. Going to make changes. I’m realizing that I no longer want the things I used to want, and that there are “fun” things that I don’t need any more. And I have decided this is not post partum depression or anxiety talking, it’s me, and I ought to listen. Change will be good.

I am also hyper focusing on Christmas. I did this last year as well, and think I need to chill just a wee bit. However, a broad fact has come to light over the past year. My family will be celebrating holidays on our own more often than not for the next many, many years. This has a lot to do with being military and is also personal choice. But this being the case, I really want to continue to develop the traditions that will be just ours, and not the larger family’s. I also want to make sure that I can provide the kind of pretty, festive, holidays that I grew up with, and that is hard! I grew up with a ton of extended family cooking and planning and baking and decorating- and this being alone means it’s all on me.

I know you can have a lovely Christmas with no presents or tree or table decor, but I am starting to make goals of investing in these decorations and traditions for my own little unit. I used to want to be with family. Now I want to be with MY little family (even if they’re all pukey and whiney right now). Which is good, because I am going to be with my family whether I like it or not ha!

So, last year we bought a few new Christmas items, and this year I am planning to do the same. As much as I am awestruck by the beauty that is a Pottery Barn catalog, I can’t just look at a table setting and buy the whole page. (Will I ever get to buy a page from that catalog? Can I put that on the bucket list? Right next to Ride in a Hot Air Balloon and See Norway?)

Anyway (boy I’m rambley tonight- so very sleep deprived, my readers, so tired) I’ve decided that since Gabe is here, we will get cute stockings this year. I also want to buy something to make my wonderfully pre-dinged table look like we could actually eat a holiday dinner there. . .some sort of centerpiece or table runner or ummm, placemats? Confession: I have almost no skill in the decor department. Confession #2: I have incredibly expensive taste. It has nothing to do with the price tag. Show me a room full of stuff and I will gravitate to the item with the largest price tag. Case in point? I was trying to find a tree skirt I like (I’ve tried for about four Christmases now). I was searching the web, and scrolling through page after page on Amazon when something finally caught my eye. It was a gorgeous tree skirt and a steal at only $1300. You can buy matching stockings for $300. Each. What do you put in a $300 stocking?

Like I said. Expensive taste.

It bites me in the butt.

Must tend to sick kid.

Have a good day, gentle readers.

That came and went as well.

For an institution whose core value is “Integrity First”, you’d think they could at least play by their own rules, no?

So that just bites.

I have no idea when we’ll hear. In fact, if we don’t hear in a few more weeks I will probably just tell Chris to cancel the dang request and go back to the usual not having any idea whether or not the Air Force plans to move us any time soon. The amplified, hopeful version is enough to make your head explode. Imagine waiting for pregnancy test results. Now do that for two months.

That’s where I’m at.