I thought about having photos professionally taken. . .you know for the first time ever. Then I considered the irritation and expense of matchy-matchy outfits and shoes and trying to schedule a time when all three children were relatively un-bruised and no one had chopped off her own hair or colored on the baby’s face with sharpie markers. . .and I laughed and said NO WAY.

So, I happened across these stylin’ hats on sale at the Gap outlet and “Hey! That’d be cute!”

Right.

At least no one has a black eye.

I forgot my kids are insane.

Stinking adorable. . .

But INSANE.

The great thing about this is that it means I get to laugh, and I get to see them and how much they love each other. And how uniquely beautiful each one is.

I wish I could print off a copy of each shot for every card I have going out.

And, in case you were wondering, in the middle of uploading these photos, Maggie walked into the counter and now has a huge egg on her head.

Photo taken of me on my 28th birthday.

1. Grateful Gabe is here. I feel such a sense of puzzle pieces falling into place with him around, and such a sense of peace.

2. Grateful to have a year free of deployments.

3. Grateful to have Jonas doing so well in school.

4. Grateful to have new couches and curtains in my living room.

5. Grateful to be blessed with work.

6. Grateful for cozy sweaters and socks.

7. Grateful for holidays and happy times to grow together as a family.

8. Grateful for Maggie’s encouragement.

9. Grateful for scripture and divine counsel.

10. Grateful my children are healthy and happy.

11. Grateful for legos and the wonder they inspire.

12. Grateful for trees that change color.

13. Grateful for my ability to laugh at things.

14. Grateful for good friends.

15. Grateful for spell check.

16. Grateful for books.

17. Grateful to live in a place that is so safe.

18. Grateful to have a pantry with food in it.

19. Grateful to have been happy for a year.

20. Grateful to my Savior for soothing my soul.

21. Grateful to my Father in Heaven for giving me understanding.

22. Grateful for children who are creative.

23. Grateful for Grandma Mildred and and Grandma Donna and their recipes. I pull those out so often this time of year.

24. Grateful I believe in a heaven and that I’ll see these Grandmas I’ve lost again.

25. Grateful for opportunities to serve.

26. Grateful for a good husband who loves me, and who shows that in his actions.

27. Grateful for songs sung off key with silly lyrics by joyful children.

28. Grateful to keep on learning and growing and to become better that I am.

Maureen Davenport lives for Christmas—and there’s nothing more magical than Christmas on Willow Lake.

The prim librarian is finally getting her chance to direct Avalon’s annual holiday pageant, and she’s determined to make it truly spectacular. But it might just require one of those Christmas miracles she’s always read about.

Because her codirector is recovering former child star Eddie Haven, a long-haired, tattooed lump of coal in Maureen’s pageant stocking. Eddie can’t stand Christmas, but a court order from a judge has landed him right in the middle of the merrymaking.

Maureen and Eddie spar over every detail of the pageant, from casting troubled kids to Eddie’s original—and distinctly untraditional—music. Is he trying to sabotage the performance to spite her? Or is she trying too hard to fit the show into her storybook-perfect notion of Christmas?

And how is it possible that they’re falling in love?

I love how reading can take you to a different place and time and let you be in someone else’s shoes for a few hours. I love the thrill of vicarious living! Lakeshore Christmas came at such a great time because I just needed a few hours to chill, and this book is perfect for that. It has a little mystery, a little nostalgia, a likable heroine, and a story that is the perfect little escape from the craziness of life at this time of year. It put me in the holiday spirit, and was the kind of story I could read after a long long and feel the stress melt away. The characters were believable and the book is a well written holiday fantasy, perfect for curling up by the fire to just relax!

“I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by MotherTalk on behalf of Lakeshore Christmas and received a copy of the book to facilitate my candid review. In addition, Mom Central sent me a gift card to thank me for taking the time to participate.”

Also, if you are wondering if I say nice things about every book that I read, I don’t. I have actually sent a few books back when I’ve found them trite or filled with gratuitous violence or sex. There was one time the book in question was just really poorly written. So, if you want me to review your book, I will only say nice things about it in public. . .if I like it.

Just wanted my readers to be clear on that!

While, I too, feel badly for my children when they become ill, I draw the line at wishing I could barf for them. This may have something to do with the fact that I spent the whole time I was expecting them vomiting several times a day, but mostly it boils down to how much it just stinks for Mom to be sick.

In my experiences before today, no one takes care of Mom when Mom falls ill. The children run amok, and mother’s attention is still needed. The way things seem to play out at my house is that I will only get extremely sick if Chris is working a 12 hour shift that day. Suffice it to say that by the time I recover from whatever ails me, the house will be trashed. There will be mysterious sticky stuff all over my kitchen. There will be toothpaste in the carpet. Entire packages of Oreo’s will be consumed, and the crumbs will be everywhere. My floor will have mysteriously gone missing, and it will take a week to pull everything back to order.

I would rather do 500 loads of barf laundry, administer medicine, walk the halls with a miserable baby, get puked on, and buy new toys and movies out of sheer pity for my sickly brood than do it for them. There. I said it. I’m a bad mom. Those little kid stomach bugs are extreme, and I’ve had my share since having children.

I got sick last night at 11pm. I woke up and began an 8 hour exercise in dehydration as I experienced violently classic stomach virus symptoms on top of breastfeeding. I was so thoroughly expunged of bodily fluids, I thought I was going to calcify and wither like an ancient mummy. I managed to call Chris at about four am and beg him to spend his break buying me Gatorade, which he did.

My children were up by 6, chipper and ready to start the day. I heard their happy little voices and wanted to cry. And then I learned something.

Jonas is a big kid now. I can’t tell you how much I love that boy and his willingness to be helpful. I explained that I had vomited six times since he last saw me, and he immediately took Gabe downstairs and played with him for an hour until Gabe needed me. He cooked his signature meals for him and his sister, breakfast lunch and dinner: cereal, top ramen, and cheese quesadillas. He got me my book out of the car. He got my mail. He watched Gabe over and over again. He cleaned up spills, checked on me regularly, and even used the old, “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit” line on his sister when he served dinner. My son rocks.

(*In the case of life threatening illness, I would totally take it- but a run of the mill flu- no way).

I was in the parking lot putting Gabe in his stroller. He was asleep so I was bent over and the guy started backing up- he hit my leg- didn’t hurt, but I shot straight up and jumped out of the way!

He felt so bad! I was so bent over, he honestly couldn’t see me at all. Not only was I way below his line of sight, but I was perfectly in his blind spot. He jumped out and apologized profusely, asked me if I needed any help- just the perfect gentleman. Then he said, “It is a good thing I say my prayers at night!”

It is true- we are watched over.

And it is nice to be able to recognize that when it happens.

Kimble was born with a congenital heart defect. This was detected while still in-utero, and the Nunnelly family has been working hard to prepare for this little guy. He is in the NICU right now, doing well, but he faces multiple major surgeries very soon. Shaina will be basically living at the hospital for the next few weeks to keep up with his care. If you wouldn’t mind adding Kimble and the Nunnelly family to your prayers, I know it would be appreciated, and would definitely help along the miracle that is needed here.

Now, if you can help in a more tangible way, Shaina has written a cookbook during this pregnancy to help fund the steep medical costs of surgery and NICU care. Shaina is a great cook, and I’ve sampled quite a bit of her cooking as well as been on the receiving end of meals when my daughter arrived. You won’t go wrong with these recipes, and you will be helping a good family with your purchase! So treat yourself to a whole lot of yummy, and please buy a copy of, “Just Because I Like To Cook“.

PS: Also makes a good Christmas gift.
PPS: THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

Do you ever have something to say and you’re just not sure how to say it? Sometimes explaining yourself is the hardest thing of all. I need a starting point.

The thing is:

Will a semi colon help? One wonders. . .

THE THING IS:

I know I worried a number of you when I said I was re-prioritizing and making changes. I got many concerned comments and e-mails, many of which were perceptive enough to know exactly what to be worrying about. Thank you. It means so much that you care.

I don’t want to worry anyone, so here I go. For give the blather likely to ensue shortly. I’m tired and my words just aren’t coming very easily.

The thing is, I no longer want to scrapbook on anyone else’s terms. I’m not finding joy in this. I’m finding stress and an honest desire to not make anything. I am tired of deadlines and worrying about being good enough. And I’m ready to take a break, sit back, and think about something else. Because of this, I quit almost all of my Design Teams. I still work for The Scrapbook Nook, but have renegotiated my contract to be one that does not require me to fulfill any design obligations.

This is the best thing for me right now.

It doesn’t mean I’ll never scrapbook again. I’m sure I will. I just want to make things because I feel like it, not because I am obligated.

(I realize half of my readership just scrolled up to their bookmarks list and deleted me, ha! Sorry about that.)

I need to simplify as much as possible right now, and this is part of it.

You see, the thing is, I really struggle with giving myself credit for what I do. I do a lot. And I have a hard time acknowledging anything that doesn’t make people say WOW or leave tangible evidence as “a lot”. I can spend a day scrubbing the house, cooking for my family, reading to my kids, doing the grocery shopping and taking the kids to the doctor- and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything at all. I realize that is is not true.

These tasks are extremely important. Raising your babies may not have gratifying moment after moment of contentment, completion and evident value- but it is critical. The sad thing is, motherhood can have contentment, gratification and even completion if you are at peace enough to recognize each beautiful, valuable step in life and embrace and celebrate that. I need more of that.

I also struggle with post partum anxiety. I am not sure if I have ever discussed this on my blog before. Each time I have had a baby I have had a few blissful months, and then I have been eaten alive by anxiety. With Jonas, it was exhausting. With Maggie, it was crippling. She hit a year old and my life stopped. I could hardly leave the house, I couldn’t stand noise, and I thought and thought and thought myself into a horrible, obsessive tizzy until I could barely sleep or function.

There is a ledge between functioning with anxiety and not. I am trying to stay as far away from that ledge as is possible. So far, it is mostly an irritant. Occasionally, I have a really bad day. I don’t tell people about it much, I just muddle through. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I’m just angry that I’m on this train again. And sometimes, I don’t show up physically or emotionally. I am unable.

I’m doing what I can to take care of myself and to deal. I see a therapist. I make sleep and taking care of myself a priority, and so far that is helping. It still isn’t fixed though. The last two times it took several months to get back to feeling like myself. (You know, my usual level of obsessive crazy).

So I’m simplifying.

Most people would say, ‘I’m quitting scrapbooking to pursue other things”. I’m quitting to pursue. . . less. I told my husband I was going to start watching two more television shows a week in an effort to chill out.

Aside: I have a rockin’ husband. I told him that I quit my Design Teams. Since my designing is so closely connected with my paycheck bringing work, he thought I said I had quit my job. To his credit, and I will love him forever for it, he was 100% supportive. There was a very brief flash of “uh-oh” across his face and then he was just there for me. Thanks to that flash, I was able to let him know that I didn’t just sink the family finances- but wow- to know I could have and he loves and supports me anyway? Wow.

So. More TV. More family time. More homework with the kids. More sitting on the living room floor making faces into a mirror with my baby- and all of this without a deadline lingering in the back of my mind. More time to sit, to be still, and to know that He is God.

That’s about perfect.

Also perfect: My birthday is in three days! And I heard a rumor that a very yummy ice cream cake was ordered. For anyone wondering what I might want here is my wishlist. Also, this book, which I couldn’t find at the bookstore today, and cute socks. I’m easy to please. Hee!

(And seriously, no one has to get me anything, but you know. . .just in case).